


Part Metal

by LuciaWilt



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Beaches, Cliffhangers, Cyborgs, Dismemberment, Dog Tags, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gore, Implied Sexual Content, Introspection, Kissing, Kylo is confused, Lust, Major Character Injury, Mental Health Issues, Permanent Injury, Reader-Insert, Sexual Confusion, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide as a major theme, Unidentified Body Fluids, description of cyborg anatomy, like it is the major theme here, romantic candlelight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:53:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 49,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6469150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciaWilt/pseuds/LuciaWilt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were a fighter until you weren't.</p><p>____</p><p>Or really an excuse for me to write a cyborg!Reader</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There have been rumors for years about Outer Rim Territories. They are rugged. It’s wild space. Weaker species would not be able to survive. So many stories, so little time. But you knew differently. Oh yes did you know the truth of the matter. You had spent the majority of your life in the Outer Rim. Kriff, you were born on Apatros. It would only be logical that you knew what really happened on those planets.

So, to be honest, a lot of the planets in the Outer Rim were crime ridden shit holes. Being such a distance from the center of the galaxy and away from most of the non-corruptible officials was a boon to the black market. The gangs were able to get away with much more than they would in the Inner Rim planets. Drug peddling, slavery, robberies; they were all prevalent on the outer planets. And even though Apatros was colonized for mining and both First Order and Resistance operators use it, it is not immune to the crime. 

But you loved your planet. It was a desert, but some areas were temperate. Even the desert sectors were not as hot as let us say, Tatooine. Yeah. You had been to Tatooine. You loved the heat, the sweltering lashes of the sun; but you could not handle Tatooine. How any human survived on Tatooine was a mystery to you. Luckily, you could mainly avoid that area since it was in the Hutt’s territory. However, the Outer Rim territory is not where your story starts. No, your story starts after your childhood, after your horrendous teen years; and begins near the end of you 20’s. You have already left your home of Apatros. Well, when you say left, it was more like you got scouted.

The Resistance had always been a rumor similar to the ones you heard about the Outer Rim. Depending on who you heard what from determined if it was positive or negative. For a long time, most of what you heard about the Resistance was neutral. Your father died in a mining accident and your mother did not care here or there. They gave her a job, but it was back breaking; She was able to put food on the table with the money she got, but the two of you would never be able to break out of the situation you were in. It went on like that for a long time. And for a long time, she was the only one between the two of you that could fly the land speeder. That only lasted until you were around 12 years old; or when the two of you found an old TIE fighter in the barren lands near where you lived. It was a small thing, small enough to haul back to your abode. Of course some of it ended up dragging in the sand and causing more problems, but you had always been good with a hydro-spanner. So in between fixing the TIE fighter, earning money doing odd jobs, and your mother working in the mine; she taught you how to pilot. It was always exciting for the both of you.

And for some reason, her eyes changed; your mothers. Once you started fixing up the TIE fighter, she actually seemed excited about life. She seemed happier than you had ever seen her. It was like she had hope, hope for the future; your future. Eventually you were able to hop into the TIE fighter. At first, you spent days studying the panels. It was a rather simple ship to fly. You even ended up memorizing the fighter side, since it usually held two individuals. But you did not have any interest in the gunner side. You wanted to fly. Every particle in your body wanted to fly. The only downside was your height. 5’9 and still growing at 13 years old, it was a hassle to fit into the small TIE. It was still possible though. 

Eventually, you were able to get the TIE fighter off the ground. The first couple of times that you took it out for a run, your speed was lowered dramatically. There was no need to crash and kill yourself when you just got it all fixed up. As time went on, however, you sped the craft up. Sooner or later, you were swerving in and out of large rock eddies. A giant smile had found its way upon your face, even upon your mothers face. For the first time in your young life, you felt happy, you felt free. 

As you grew up and had more chores around the abode, your mother would send you into the closest territory on the planet, which happened to be the First Order’s, to get supplies. However, there was a time when you had to make the journey into The Resistance territory for an ingredient that your mother needed. Not thinking anything about it, you hopped into your TIE and made your way to town. At 16, a simple 3 years after you first took off in your TIE, you were more than old enough to go about your own business. Citizens in the First Order territory had seen you more than enough times. You had no problem with that either. Being that the miners were in the neutral territory, you could make friends with anyone. But you had never been to The Resistance area.

As you made your way into the town, you slowed the ship down. No one was really watching or taking note of you at first. That was obviously a good sign. So you just continued on your way. However, a loud beeping noise came over your screen after a few minutes. Your eyes flicked down nervously at the screen and saw you had three bogey’s on your tail. A cold sweat came over you. Fire fights were not exactly on your resume. Your head turned around to see if you were right where the radar indicated, but you saw nothing. 

_Up above?_ You pulled your TIE up above the city and suddenly saw what had been on your radar. It was 3 X-Wing’s. You had seen those insignia’s before. 

Resistance.

It was only in that moment did you realize why they would be following you. The Resistance had never used TIE fighters before. That had always been an Imperial fighter weapon. It was then passed down to The First Order. They thought you were an insurgent from the other territory. You panicked and sped out of the town, expecting that they would just give up and stop following you. But when the 3 dots did not disperse, you started to cry. They were going to shoot you down. They were going to kill you. They were going to kidnap you and torture you.

Acting on an impulse, you landed down in a calmer section of the barren lands. You unlocked the front hatch with a hiss, the noise only making your chronic anxiety worse. Ever since your father died, you had been having problems. Being stopped by Resistance X-Wing’s fighters was not helping. But being shot down by them was not in your plans for that day. So you hopped out right as they were landing. Your large scarf you kept wrapped around your head whipped and smacked the rest of your body. When the three of them hopped out, you saw the rifle blasters holstered around their shoulders. More tears fell from your eyes. They in turn noticed this. It caused them all to pause. Obviously First Order soilders were not 16 year old girls that cried at the sight of Resistance fighters. 

The one at the front who had taken his helmet off spoke first. He was probably 4 inches shorter than you, yourself having grown to 6’0. He was tan with curly brown hair. Really, he was quite handsome; and obviously the leader of their little crew. He spoke first. “Identify yourself.” You were expecting a stern voice, but really he seemed like he was just having a regular conversation. 

With a shaky voice, you responded; your hands dripping sweat from the anxiety. The front man blinked, seemingly confused. Was he expecting something else?

“I am Poe Dameron.” You saw the two others beside him turn their heads quickly to his body. Something was up. You started to seemingly relax in the situation. Something about Poe was causing that. Perhaps it was the smile he was giving you. 

“Poe, are you sure about this?” The one to his left questioned. But he just shrugged his shoulders.

“Sure. The First Order soldiers are not like this. And I am getting a good vibe about her. When has my gut ever been wrong?” That shut that person up. So with still a bit of hesitance, the two beside him told you their names. “That was some pretty fancy flying with that TIE fighter. Where did you get it?” He asked as he took another step forwards. He was being slow for you, to show you that he had no malicious hidden intentions. 

You told him how you and your mother found it in the barren lands. You also explained how you fixed it up. Poe’s eyes widened. “Really? You good with mechanics?” 

“Yeah. I never really picked up the whole mining thing.” You tried to make a joke out of the situation. The only one that really laughed was Poe. The other two let out unsure giggles. 

“Well I have to be honest, we have heard of your movements for a while now,” Absolute dread filled your being. So they were here to kill you. “We only now decided to come check it out. You are not what I was expecting to see get out of that TIE fighter. You fly anything else?” The speculative looks only grew on the other two pilots faces. You however, smiled. 

“Yeah, but it is only my mom’s old land-speeder. It was my dad’s before that.” You loved flying. So for someone like a Resistance X-Wing pilot to be speaking to you about flying was a dream come true. Poe hummed at your answer. He stroked his non-existing beard for a moment. 

“You have a comm?” The two other pilots jaws dropped to the ground. He seemed to be going rogue on something. But he was their leader, so they could not object.

Either way, you excitedly nodded. “It is an older model, but I have one.” Your day was morphing into something that would change the rest of your life. 

Only after the two of you exchanged comm info and you got back home did you realize who you had been speaking to.

Poe Dameron, golden boy Resistance pilot, commander of their X-Wing squadrons, reports directly to General Leia Organa. 

It all happened so fast. A part of you had not expected him to contact you. It was just too far-fetched. But a couple of days after that, he told you pilots were a needed commodity within The Resistance. And they were interested in you coming on board with them. It was a dream come true. You told your mother and she almost seemed more excited than you. You were getting a chance that she never had. You would be able to leave. Apatros. You would get to fight with The Resistance. The only downside to the entire situation was losing the standing of neutrality. However, that part of you was pushed to the back. You decided that you would take the job, take the opportunity to do what you loved for a bigger purpose. 

You ended up joining The Resistance and quickly rising up the ranks after learning how to fly an X-Wing. It had been relatively easy, the controls surprisingly similar to a TIE fighters. It ended up that you became second in command to Poe in the X-Wing squadron. Meetings became privy to you. You were able to meet with the top brass such as Admiral Ackbar and even General Leia Organa herself. 

You were an important member.

Everything was going well.

Until a certain fateful run. 

It was to be a simple mission, just a couple of fighters. You, at 23 years old, were leading the charge. It was going to be your crowning achievement so far, a reconnaissance run into First Order territory. Some important information was to be gathered. But they had been alerted to The Resistance presence in the area. A vicious dog fight ensued. 

You were one of those that were shot out of the sky. At first, right after the injury as you lay on the ground outside of your ship, you thought you had died. There were so many things missing from your body or in pain. But your teammates found you, saved you. They took you back to the base after they gathered the information. On the way back, you said through a haze you did not want to be helpless. You would rather die than not be able to protect yourself. There, you spent months in the med-bay as they pieced you back together; the appropriate metal replacements placed where they needed to go. Only when you awoke after it was all over did you see what had happened to you. 

If you could still call yourself “you”. 

Right leg replaced with a weaponized metal prosthetic. 

Both arms replaced to be blasters if pulled a certain way. 

A large chunk of your torso replaced with a hard metal. 

When a doctor came in and gave you a mirror you asked for, you froze. In the place of your bottom jaw was a prosthetic, metal like the rest. You opened your mouth and saw that the bottom row of your teeth were even metal. The prosthetic ran all way up the right side of your face; they even had to replace your eye, you noticed just then. Luckily it stopped at you hairline.

You were stunned silent. On one hand, they had saved you; you had not died. And they even took in your pain hazed wishes. They gave you all these weapons on your body. Surly they would not deny you the honor of returning to the field.

But on the other hand, you were not the same person any longer. It had to be nearly half of your body that had been damaged and swapped out for metal. A part of you wanted to just have died in the wreckage. There was a pivotal part of you that was left in the flaming chunks of your old X-Wing. Perhaps you would never get it back.

To be cautious, they put you on suicide watch. The doctors all said that it was natural having gone through such a traumatic event. They also explained all the mechanisms of your prosthetics and auto-mail. Apparently you would not be able to find these anywhere else, being hand made on base. However, since you yourself were a mechanic, it would be easy to maintain.

You spent month rehabilitating. By the time you were able to leave med bay, you had spent 2 years getting better. It was time to get back to flying.

But that would just be too easy. You confronted General Organa in hopes of getting back to work. But what she told you was heartbreaking.

_”You are being discharged. We cannot have you piloting again.”_

”What? Why! I am healed!” She placed down the papers she had been looking over and stood from her desk. Ever since you had first arrived on base, she had been kind, motherly. That was not what you needed in that moment though. She just said they were taking away your piloting, that they were sending you away. That was all you had ever known. Piloting was your life. To take that away was to send you to the executioners block. Yet here she was, gently placing her hands on your elbows. It made you mad she did not even flinch at the cool metal. You wanted to hit something or scream out in frustration. 

”Honey, we have to keep you safe. You were severely injured. We….I don’t want to take that chance again.” This time, you did scream. You screamed and ran out of the office. You heard her call your name but did not respond to her. Taking away everything you loved was just like dying. You continued to run until you made it to your old TIE fighter you kept in the hangar. In that moment, you decided for yourself. You would leave. You would run from the Resistance.

That night you left for good, flying away to only the galaxy knew where.


	2. Chapter 2

The galaxy was lonely. It was really lonely. You found that out a year into your travels. You spent your 26th birthday by yourself on some quiet little planet. It was a promise that you made to yourself it would be nowhere near the Resistance’s base. They had betrayed your trust, ripped away everything you ever knew; there was no point in going back. And to be honest, they moved around so much when you were with them, you doubted they would still be on that planet. Perhaps they were not even in that same system. You just hoped that you would not accidently land on one of their planets. 

All the time that you spent by yourself was seeming to get to you. In the past, you had never really been a sociable person. When you joined the Resistance, you would hang out with a tight group of about 4 or 5 people; Poe included. As you floated through space, the prospect of being near others made you sick to your stomach. So that was how it went. When you landed on a planet, you would mainly stay away from others. There was a point in your travels that you decided to work out, find out about the prosthetics that had taken over most of your body. Like the good doctor had said, your leg and both your arms were weaponized. If you pulled your hands to your shoulders, blasters would open up at the end of your elbows. As you were sitting in an inn room, you found out that your left arm also held a machete. You were able to pull it out, blade first, through the center of your palm. The only downside to that was the machete actually acted as a stabilizer for the arm. With it out, your entire left forearm just hung there. It was still metal, just useless and floppy.

Your hands moved down to your right leg. There was a hidden switch behind the knee that when flipped, shot a long blade out form your heel. When kneeling, you could open a hatch on your kneecap of that leg to expose another blaster. 

When they said you were fully equipped with weaponry, they really had not been lying. They had made sure that you would be safe, that you would not be helpless. So that was one thing you could not fault them on. They had taken your wishes to heart. Well not all of them. 

You were still confused as to why Leia decided to discharge you. Really, you were better than human. With a majority of your body turned into machine, you were nearly indestructible. Leia Organa was just a sentimental fool. You had a feeling her decision to not let you back into action was solely based on her heard, not on her head. It infuriated you. But you could do nothing about it. That was why you left. You would just go back to being neutral. If you did not have to deal with the Resistance or the First Order, neither of them would exist to you. 

But you did need to know how to protect yourself. You had a little bit of hand to hand combat training while you were a pilot. They had explained to you that if you did not have your ship, you needed to know how to fight back. It was a pretty good train of thought, for the main offense of the Resistance to have options when it came to attacking. With all these new weapons, however, you had an entire new arsenal. You would have to retrain yourself with all the weapons that had been attached to your body. So that was what you did while you ran around the galaxy. Every planet that you stopped at, every chance that you had, you would practice with your auto-mail. And as you practiced, it became second nature. It became second nature to dance to a song of death, using the weapons that had been bestowed upon you to protect yourself. 

As your skills raised, your need for others to be around you lowered. You decided that contact from other sentient beings was pointless. When you could protect yourself, why would you need anyone else? However, there was still a part of you that yearned for contact. It was tearing you apart. You were so confused in your mindful contradictions of the ones around you. 

For a couple of months, you tossed around the idea of heading back to Apatros. It was something that had been in your mind since you first left your mother. It seemed…hard… for you. There was something about going back to your mother looking the way you did that did not sit right with you. It caused an anxiety to bubble up in your stomach that you had not felt since you were young. 

_Will need to get some medicine for that._ You thought to yourself as you zoomed around in your TIE. Your appearance was not the only thing stopping you from going back to see your mother. The fact that you had been discharged from the Resistance was also lingering over you. She had been the happiest you had ever seen her when you told her about the Resistance. You had a chance in life that she never obtained. Now that you had been let go from the Resistance, you wondered about what she would think of you. Would she shun you? Would she be afraid of your appearance? You had no doubt in your mind that she would not think very highly of you. 

However, that crippling splitting hit you again. You felt as though your mother would know what to do. You felt like you could rely on her, even though you did not know how she would react to your appearance; or the pathetic state your life was in. It just seemed like something a mother would know to do. You missed her tight hugs, her home made food. 

So that was that. You were going to go and visit her on Apatros. Maybe you would be able to get a job as a miner. You were sure the owners of the mines on Apatros would love to have a cyborg working. You could probably do twice as much as a regular worker. 

After your 27th birthday on a neighboring planet, you made your way back to Apatros. The familiar haze of grey surrounding the desert planet was soothing. It was familiar; like you were coming home. You landed in the First Order controlled territory. You wanted nothing to do with the Resistance. And for some strange reason, you were too afraid to land in the neutral territory. There was something about it that cause anxiety to eat away at your stomach. So once you landed in one of the rentable bays, you went and rented a small land speeder. 

It was strange for you, driving out to the small abode that your family lived in when you were younger. It had been years since you came back. At some point during your Resistance time, you had almost forgotten about your mother. But here you were, driving through the dusty desert, thinking about what to say to her. Cresting over the familiar rise, you spotted your small childhood home. The adobe walls were sun bleached to a blistering pale stone. It even looked hot to the touch. Glancing around as you slowed the speeder down, you noticed that your mother’s vehicle was gone. 

But even if there was a chance that she was there, you had to take it. You stopped the speeder and hopped out. You metal leg was warming in the desert sun. Luckily for you, you altered your pants, cutting one leg shorter than the other. The pant leg on the metal side was about three inches above the knee cap while the other one just covered the knee.

You made your way up to the front door, cautiously as though you were about to face some huge army. With a small knock to the door, you stood waiting for the initial contact. When no one answered, you turned around and started back towards your rented speeder. So she really was not there. It saved you a lot of heartache that was for sure.

“Can I help you?” A quiet voice said from the door. You spun about so fast that it caused the person to jump; but they kept the front door open. It was not your mother, whoever it was. It was a young woman, probably a couple of years younger than you. She had waist length blond hair and dull grey eyes. Her skin was darker than yours as well; probably one of the few moisture farmers that resided on Apatros. 

Your human eye blinked at her, confused as to what you had found. Of course you still were expecting to see your mother. “I…I was…I was looking for someone. I am sorry to have bothered you.” The blond stepped out form the protection of the door with visible hesitation. She had obviously never seen a cyborg before. That was fine with you though. You just wanted to get out of the situation as fast as possible. 

“Do you mean the older woman? With the land speeder? I think she was a miner as well.” Your heartrate picked up. She knew who you were talking about. This person knew your mother.

“Yes. Do you have any idea what happened to her? I know she lived here at one point.” But the blond just shook her head. The hope you had been feeling was quickly dashed. 

“No. I was in town when I first moved to Apatros. I was looking for a home and she came up and said she would sell it to me for half the price. Before I knew it, she was packed up and running off. I have not heard from her or seen her since.” Your heart fell at the new information. Your mother was gone? Where did she go? If she had enough money, there was no way she would stay on planet. She would have gotten some sort of ship and left long ago. Perhaps she was half way across the galaxy at this point. You did not even want to think about the chance of her being dead. That was probably far higher than her surviving somewhere.

So you tried to smile at the young woman, your bottom metal jaw aching in the heat of the sun. “Thank you. Sorry to have bothered you.” You waved, a tiny little gesture of thanks as you sped off on your land speeder. 

~’~

The ride back to town was heart wrenching. You felt emotionally exhausted, your anxiety getting to you. You had forgotten how tiring having anxiety was. There was medication that you would need to get sooner rather than later. But it did not stop the tears that flew from your good eye. You had no idea you missed your mother as much as you did. The fact that you had been so close to seeing her once again…it really got to you. It only solidified how alone you were in the galaxy. All the people you had known or were close to are in the Resistance and you were not going back, there was just no way.

So brushing away the tears on the back of your hand, you pulled into the town. It was quiet, just like it usually was. Unsurprisingly, the First Order town was kept up far better than the Resistance. The funds for each side of the war was showing rather prominently. It was not your problem though. You just headed back to the land speeder place. After turning your rental in, you headed to the docking bay. Just like the rest of the town, it was rather quiet within the building. Unlike the rest of the town, there was a large number of First Order officers and Stormtroopers milling about. You thought nothing of it at first, considering you had been discharged from the Resistance. Why would they be mad at you for anything? But you forgot the jacket you had been wearing. You had been wearing it really since you left the Resistance.

Your pilot’s jacket.

It even had your old rank on it.

So you continued on through the hallways as though nothing was wrong. When you turned into your own bay, you stopped in your tracks. There were Stormtroopers walking around your ship. They even had the front hatch open which puzzled you and pissed you off at the same time. Your legs started on their own towards the group.

“Hey! That is mine!” You yelled, causing their eerily replicated helmets to turn towards you. Already, you had your arm blasters ready, firing rapidly. With the upper hand of surprise on your side, you were able to catch a couple of them in the group off guard. Once you were close enough, you locked the blasters back and kicked your leg up, flicking the switch at the same time. Your eyes watched as the blade stuck into the meat of the man’s neck, killing him almost instantly. You were able to kill a few more in a similar fashion with your leg before you decided to use the machete in your arm. It would put you at a major disadvantage considering their armor, but this ship was all you had left. There was no way in the galaxy you were going to let them take it. 

For a while, you were able to fight the troopers off. In close combat, they were not nearly as good. However, the sheer difference in numbers got the best of you. They were finally able to grab both of your metal arms and tie them behind your back. One of them tried to gag you, but you bit into their armored hand with your metal teeth. This got you a back hand in return. But once again, you did not care. Your life, at this point, was rather pointless. If you died, no one would care. You were just going through the motions. Really, the only reason why you had not killed yourself yet was because of your TIE. You loved that thing like a child. If these Stormtroopers wanted to kill you, then so be it. No one would even know you were gone.

“Sir,” One radioed above you. You heard the crackle of the comm. Perhaps they were telling their commanding officer that they were going to kill you. Perhaps you would finally die on the pl- “It is a Resistance pilot sir.”

Your eye widened. You had totally forgotten about the jacket. It sure did come back to kick you in the ass. One of the troopers walked up to you and grabbed the lapel of your jacket, inspecting what rank you held. They could obviously see the “Black 2” position you had held since they kicked the back of your knees. You were afraid they had activated the switches, but nothing happened. You simply fell to your knees with a scowl upon your face. Why were they not killing you?

“Yes sir. She is Black 2.” A pause. You could not hear the other side of the conversation. “Sir? Are you sure? She has prosthetics that have concealed weapons.” Another pause. “Yes sir. We will bring her in.” This caught your attention. What were they doing? What exactly did they want from you?

“Hey. I am right here. What is happening?” You asked everyone in your general vicinity. When no one answered, you flailed your arms, hoping that your blasters would activate. When nothing happened, you sighed with anger. “Come on!”

Finally, when your group exited the building, the one holding onto your binders answered. His voice sounded young. “We are arresting you as a war criminal fighting with the Resistance. You are to be interrogated for information about said Resistance.” You wanted to hit them, start the fight back up; especially as you all got further and further away from your TIE. 

“I am not even with the Resistance!” You yelled to deaf ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Black 2 thing I am referring to is Poe. Since Poe is Black 1, the Reader is Black 2. Or was Black 2.


	3. Chapter 3

The group of Stormtroopers that were left after your little tiff led you through the quiet town and to the official Fist Order port on the edge. You had heard a long time ago, when you still lived there, that they placed it on the edge of town so no civilians would “get any ideas”. Either way, it gave you time to think. It gave you time to think about the situation you found yourself in; being led through the dusty streets to what very well could be your death.

For the years that you spent running from planet to planet, you thought a lot about how you would die. Some days, you thought your oxygen levels within your ship would give way. Other days, you thought perhaps you would just kill yourself; save the universe the energy of ending your life. It would be pretty simple. You could just shatter the transperisteel sitting between you and the inky void of space. There really was not much that you were living for. The only thing that kept you alive was the infrequent thoughts of your mother. And now that you had no idea where she was, what was the point? What was a reason for you to still live? She was gone, gone to the winds of the universe. If they killed you as you walked to their shuttle or when you got to whatever Star Destroyer they were based on, what was the difference? There really was none. 

Your group entered the drab First Order shuttle. They pushed you down onto the bench with your arms still tied behind you back. Having been walking about on the planet, sand got all into your clothing. That was a normal occurrence on Apatros. But you never really had your arms behind your back after you visited the planet. Really, the last time you were on Apatros, you still had your real arms. The grating of the sand between your auto-mail and your shoulder blades was causing a pounding in your head.

“Can you re-tie my hands so they are in front of me?” You asked the quiet troopers that sat on either side of you. When they did not answer, you turned to face the ones across from you. Blank masks stared back, continuing to leave you hanging on your plea. So you did the next best thing. Your eyes flicked up to the small opening above them. Outside of the shuttle, you could see the craft blast through the different layers of the atmosphere of the planet. So they were obviously taking you off the planet. _To their Star Destroyer as I expected._ Now it was just to wait and see which one they were taking you to. You had heard about the recent attacks onto the First Order by the Resistance. A part of you cheered, cheered that they were able to take down Starkiller Base. As neutral as you wanted to stay in the war, that thing was an abomination. A weapon that could destroy entire systems? Of course you had heard the rumors of the Death Stars that had preceded Starkiller. None of the weapons were good. So you were glad they were all gone. However, you knew the second base the First Order had was _The Finalizer._ The possibility that you would get taken to that Star Destroyer was low. They had to have more ships than just that one. Not all of their destroyers could have been taken out with the base…could they?

The silence that had settled over the cabin was broken when one of the troopers reached into the sack that was settled over his chest. His hand ruffled around for a while, long enough for you to stop watching him and turn back to observe the pitch black space out the clear barrier. You were nearly settled down when you felt a prick in the side of your neck. One of your hands reached up to slap at whatever it was, expecting to find a bug that had found its way on the shuttle. Instead, the trooper that had been making all that noise had stuck a needle into your neck. He released the liquid into your bloodstream, causing the edges of your vision to slowly fade away. The biological parts of your body grew numb as the seconds ticked by.

“Son of a….” And just like that, darkness took over you.

~’~

Consciousness came slowly. It was almost relaxing, the speed at which you awoke. Your lids still felt heavy though. They felt like they had been sewn shut. So perhaps it was not as relaxing as you first thought. 

The first thing you noticed was that you were in fact lying down, but somehow standing up as well. You were strapped to some sort of hard metal bed. The next thing you noticed, when the metal joints in your jaws allowed you to move again was that all of your prosthetics limbs were gone. Both your arms and your leg were gone. Luckily for you, they left the large metal piece of your stomach and the part of your head on. They probably realized that if they took those off, you would die. It was frustrating either way though. You did not particularly like being as vulnerable as you were when you had to take off your prosthetics. That someone did it without your knowledge only made it that much worse.

Sounds of papers flipping caught your attention. You squinted your original eye, trying to discern any sort of image in the dimly lit room. A figure formed, tall; or at least your height. It was a male, obviously from the build. He had strict posture, his back rod straight. In a rather elegant looking uniform, he looked intimidating to say the least. The unusual red hair only added to the striking image. When your eyes started to focus, you saw the ranking that sat on his great coat. 

General.

So you were on THE Finalizer. And not only that, but your guest was THE General Hux. You had heard about him while you worked with the Resistance and beyond. He was a rumor that spread across the galaxy almost as strongly as the First Order itself. As the face of the dark movement, he controlled the galaxy with an iron fist. What he wanted to happen happened, what he wanted, he got. You had never seen him in person, only on holovids. To see him like this was a new experience. Something that you were unsure if you liked or not.

“General.” You said as your voice finally started to work. The metal rods that ran up and down your neck to the large chunk in your stomach vibrated with the word. It also scratched at the inside of your throat, but you did not have time to think about that. Pressing matters were at hand.

The red head turned and caught sight of you. You were unsure of what his eye color was in the dark room. You wanted him to come closer to you, so you could tell. You had a thing about people’s eyes, considering you only had one of your own….Or well, one of your originals. General Hux turned while saying your name, the papers that he had been flipping through still grasped in his gloved hand. “I see that you are awake.” You blinked your eyes at that. Awake? Of course you were awake. 

“Where are my limbs?” You asked. A part of you did not care, a part just wanted to be full again. If they were going to kill you, you would like to not be covered in stumps. But he just hummed at your question. He stepped up to you, nearly chest to chest. His red head tilted to the side.

Green. 

His eyes were green.

“A pilot. And not just any, but Black Two.” You groaned at that. 

“I am not with the Resistance any longer. Where are,” He turned and started away. “My limbs?” General Hux stopped in front of what seemed to be a pile of scrap metal. It was only when he picked a piece up did you notice the shape. He was holding your leg. The chromium it was made from was rather heavy so he had to be rather strong underneath the sheik uniform. He turned and started back towards you, he hands messing with the knee. Back and forth it bent, as though you were running. He flicked the switches, releasing the kneecap and shooting the blade out of the heel. He seemed to be rather entranced with the prosthetic. 

“I must apologize that I am not one to believe you so readily. I have the information to state otherwise. And considering that you are stocked to the brim with weaponized parts of your body, I can only assume that you are still a fighter with the Resistance.” You groaned once again, your head falling back. He was obviously not going to believe you. Their movement was large, they had to have spies within the Resistance. They had to know that you were not with them any longer, and had not been for quite some time. The sound of him dropping your leg to the floor did not make you move. What did was the feeling of his hand on your throat. But it was not much. Your eyes simply glanced over to him. General Hux was staring intently at where his hand was. “I read that you are more metal than human any longer.” His voice was low. 

As much as you wanted to rebut what he said, you knew it was true. The Resistance had done a good job at patching you back together. That did not mean they did a good job at keeping you biological. They had to replace most of your organs with mechanics to keep you alive. 

“Yeah.” You muttered under your breath. It felt good, his hand on your throat. There was a strange pulse like movement he was making. The muscles that wrapped around the metal rods would get sore. His fingers were actually helping.

“These prosthetics are not on the market. As far as I can tell, they seem to be hand made.” There was something in his voice that sounded rather surprised, in awe seven. Perhaps he had some respect for the Resistance. 

“They are rather good, medical wise. I would not say as good as the First Order though.” You said. You were struggling to keep your eyes open. It just felt so good. Every time you had gone to a desert planet after your surgery, the rods in your throat would hurt. You never got an explanation on it. And as good as you were with a wrench, you were not about to do an impromptu check on the inside of you body; no thank you. You could take care of the outside that was as much as you were willing to do. “You all have quite a few more resources than they do.” When he did not respond, you glanced up at him. He had moved across the room and grabbed your arms. Rolling them in his hands, he inspected the craftsmanship of the work. It was obvious then to you that he was in fact impressed with the Resistance; or at least in their prosthetic work. That did not mean you were in the clear yet. He dropped your arms down with your leg and walked up to you once again.

“You will stay here until further notice."

“Are you going to kill me?” He caught the hopeful tone in your voice. It was a surprise to him, since he thought you still were with the Resistance. Why would anyone with such a high rank be so willing to die? That had to be going through is mind. But he did not know you. And he did not know that you were not with the Resistance any longer. Instead of giving you a solid answer, he turned heel with a click of his shined boots right out of the room.

~’~

Hux found Kylo Ren standing on the bridge, staring out the clear windows into the vastness of space. It caused him to frown. What was the black cloaked man doing? There had to be something he was supposed to be doing, not just standing there like a fool. And had he not heard of the captive? Someone so high ranked in the Resistance was bound to know things about what Kylo was looking for. Yet here he was, being moody and aggravating as usual. Hux wanted to throw him out the airlock. Instead, he walked briskly over to Kylo’s side.

“General.” Kylo hummed, his voice scratchy from disuse. Ever since he came back from his training with Snoke, he was quiet; far quieter than he had been prior. The long scar that ran over his face had healed to the point of being a light pink color; not the vicious red that it had been when they were fleeing Starkiller. Kylo always kept the black hood up though. He seemed to think it kept people from staring at him. Unfortunately for the tall oaf, his imposing figure just naturally attracted attention.

“Ren. What are you doing?” Straight and to the point was the best way with Kylo. Otherwise, he would not get it through his thick head. The General felt the taller man’s eyes zero in on him after those thoughts. But he did not care. He was not afraid of Kylo. Hux knew the man would not kill him.

“I was meditating.”

“On the bridge during the work cycle?” Hux ground out. He was aggravated. The fidgety looks he was getting from all his officers said everything. Kylo Ren was a menace and he distracted people from their work. With the woman sitting in the interrogation room, Kylo needed to be elsewhere; preferably getting information out of said woman. “You need to go see that pilot.” Hux started. When Kylo whipped around to face him, the red head stopped. The look on his co-commander’s face…did he…. 

“What pilot?” 

Ah.

Hux’s thoughts were right. 

Apparently Kylo had not been alerted. 

That was odd in itself. He thought that the black haired male had been told about the woman being brought on board. Hux was going to have to speak with the squad that brought her aboard. With the destruction of the base came the imperative need for information about the Resistance. Both they and the First Order had gone quiet over the last couple of years. Either side was waiting in silence, building up depleted fleets and planning their next big attack. 

“She is in room 34BI2SL.” 

Ren was gone before Hux could even shoot him a scathing look. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because why the fuck not?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so the reader is slightly based off of Dazai from Bungou Stray Dogs. And my state of mind is absolute shit so this is all I can write.

The first thing you noticed about the man that slunk into the room was that he was tall for a human. You were pretty tall for a human female, but he was at least 5 inches taller than you. Or at least from what you could tell being strapped to the metal board. No one had come by to help you with your prosthetics, so you suspected that this man was going to torture you to get some sort of information. 

But he was quiet; especially for how large he was. You would have expected him to be stomping about, to make much more noise than he was making. His footsteps were silent as he crossed the dimly lit room. Finally, he stood right in front of you. It was close enough for you to get a good look at his face, at his eyes. They were a light brown color. Nearly hazel to be honest. What you noticed most about those eyes were they were broken.

Shattered in two.

You felt close to this man, being broken yourself.

There was a hurricane of emotions flying through his scarred face. 

Confusion.

Sadness.

Anger.

Relief.

The two of you stared at each other for a few quiet, albeit comfortable, moments. Finally, he pushed the black hood off with naked hands. His fingers looked as scarred as his long face. It made you wonder who he was. You had heard a few rumors about First Oder leaders, about three in particular. But aside from General Hux and Captain Phasma, you had not seen images of the other.

“What is your name.” It was not a question. It was a hard statement in an even harder voice. But the hardness of his voice was overshadowed by the smooth notes. It was like drinking a charging cup of caf early in the cycle; right when you start to really crave it. 

The man looked tired. His full lips were pressed into a straight line. There was a smattering of freckles that crossed his large nose. But all the while, he was staring at you, waiting for you to respond. Whoever he was, he did not seem all that surprised by you missing some of your limbs and an entire part of your skull. Perhaps he knew who you were already. It would put you at quite the disadvantage. But you did not want to make him wait any longer. You were not afraid of death. So if they wanted information out of you, only to kill you later; so be it. You gave him your name. Unsurprisingly to you, your voice was not as scratchy as it had been. That was thanks to the General and his earlier menstruations on your neck. You kind of missed the red head, as strange as that may seem. These people had your life in their hands. For someone that was constantly wishing the sweet release of death upon themselves, you were enjoying their company. 

He blinked those large eyes. Each syllable, each sound that you made, he took it in. For a moment, you thought he was going to just leave you there like the General had. It was a rather interesting tactic, the interrogation they were dolling out upon you. Bu the simply stood in front of you. His large body was still, frozen in time.

“What is a name.” Again, it was not exactly a question. But you knew he was waiting for an answer. He did not move like the General had. You found it soothing, perhaps others would find it unnerving. His big body was probably always in movement. You did not know.

“A title. A label those who brought you into this existence placed upon you.” He hummed. His voice was rather deep from what you noticed. You liked it, even though he did not seem so pleased with your response. He seemed to be expecting something else. “But a name is just that, a name. It is not something that you have to be perpetually attached to. You yourself,” You motioned with your head towards his person. “Can create a new name, a new title. Names are not important. They only tell the rest of the world what family you belong to. And even families are not important. People that are not even related to you can be your family…Could be your family.” Your mind was open as it wondered to Leia and Poe, the family that you so desperately wanted but never got. A sharp sad pain shot through you. Little to your knowledge, the man in front of you was catching all of it, especially since you were projecting so loudly. He saw his mother, the pilot he had known so closely when he was younger. There was hero worship for the younger male which caused him to frown. But there was also a hero worship for his aging mother. While you were adrift somewhere in your memories, he filtered into your mind. His training had made him a master at reading others. Now he did not even need physical contact. With a simple thought, he was within the distant past; through your eyes. 

The first thing he felt was a strange happiness that he did not detect from you otherwise. It was over an old, beat up TIE fighter. It reminded him of his own father with that stupid freighter. But this was genuine happiness, perhaps your first happy memory. It flittered by as soon as it came. Next was an anxiety filled race through a desert swept planes. You were stopped by X-Wings, Resistance fighters. It was none other than Poe Dameron himself. It was another happy memory, not as happy as the first. You were excited; hopeful for a different life. Then you were in an old Resistance base. It was quiet, obviously after hours. You were wearing the same leather jacket that was on your person. But it was far newer in this memory. You were looking up at Poe. Instead of the best pilot in the Resistance, you saw a hero. You saw the man that saved you from a life covered in sand and blistering in the suns of the Apatros mines. The need to kiss Poe was doused when he pulled you into a tightly held platonic hug. 

Flash forward to searing pain that almost caused the other man to jump from you memories… Almost. Instead, he stuck through it. He saw you be saved, the metal being attached to your body. 

Suddenly, you were running. You were running from the Resistance, from his mother. She had told you that you would never be a pilot with them anymore. You were broken and she was worried. But your denouncement of the Resistance was obvious.

After that, there were months of sadness. That was what had hit you first as you drifted through the emptiness of space. But that quickly came and went in the grand scheme of things. He then felt a familiar sensation of emptiness, of uselessness, of pointlessness. It was the same thing he constantly felt in his own life. There was a camaraderie that was unknowingly being built between the two of you.

“What is your name? If you are going to ask me that question.” You pondered, breaking him away from your mind. 

“Kylo Ren.” He responded. That caused your eyes to widen.

Kylo Ren. The Lord of the Knights of Ren. He was their leader. Not only that, but he was the third commander of the First Order that you had never seen. Perhaps that was why he was asking you about names. His own held a heavy weight that surpassed many. 

“I am glad you told me considering you may be the one to end my life.” You actually said with a chuckle. He did not seem to find it as funny. Kylo frowned and turned around, heading over to the pile of limbs. He was obviously far stronger than the General because he grabbed both of your arms in one hand and the ankle of your leg in the other. Kylo made his way back over to you and stopped, your limbs still in his grasp. “I must apologize.” You started while the two of you stared at each other. “I don’t know what the purpose of all of this is. The First Order obviously thought I was still with the Resistance. You obviously thought that considering where I am. Why are you not torturing me? Why are you not killing me?” Kylo caught the two biggest emotions in your voice; hope and confusion. Instead of answer, he dropped your prosthetics and grabbed the rather uncomfortable looking metal chair at the corner of the room. He pulled it over and sat down in front of you. What you did not expect to happen was your restraints to come lose. But there you were, your body falling to the floor. You had no way of catching yourself, so you metal jaw did just that. 

“Whose side are you on?” Kylo asked as he helped you put on one of your arms. Your eyes were wide the entire time. What exactly was happening? He motioned towards your other body parts, seemingly expecting you to put the rest on yourself. So that was exactly what you did as you answered his question. 

You hummed for a moment, re-attaching your other arm. “For a long time, I thought I was neutral; I still wish to be neutral.” Kylo nodded at that even though you did not see it. He had seen the memories of you and your mother in the mines on Apatros. The two of you had lived in the middle zone after all. “It would be nice to be neutral in a war. But conscious beings can never be neutral in such matters. The Resistance had recruited me to be a pilot for their squadrons. I had always told myself that I was doing it just to fly; which a part of me was. But another part of me started to enjoy fighting for them. I liked helping, being a part of something bigger than myself. So I cannot say with full certainty that I am not a conscious being that does not take sides.” You chuckled while you started on your leg. All the while, Kylo watched you at his feet. For quite some time, while he had been finishing his training with Snoke, he thought to have given up on other humans. But you, you were intriguing. He was more intrigued with you then he had been with anyone in quite some time. So he let you continue. “That part of me that was doing it for myself won out when the General told me I would not be able to fly anymore… She took away everything that I had ever known, everything that I had ever loved.” You hummed, slowing down on the progress of your leg. Kylo was silent. “I just…I ran. I ran because I guess I am on my own side. I do what I think is right for me. Perhaps that is selfish,” You finished your leg and simply sat there, your eyes cast down. “But perhaps I don’t really care either.” With that, exhausted eyes glanced up to Kylo’s face. He saw that your answer was the truth. It was the truth. “Will you kill me?” Your question did not catch him off guard. You were exuding suicidal energy. Nothing about your aura wanted to be alive any longer. But he needed you, the First Order needed you. If you were going to do what was right in the end for yourself; he had a plan.

“Do you want to see this fighting end?” It was a genuine question from Kylo this time. It caused a small smile to crack on your face. With an answer of ‘perhaps’, he continued on. “I have a proposition for you then. I believe that you have denounced the Resistance. There was pure honesty in your answer about where your allegiance lies.”

“Can you tell Hux that then?” You asked, cutting him off mid stride. Kylo looked down at you again and just saw you shrug. “Well if you are not going to kill me and I don’t really see myself getting off of this ship any time soon; I would like for most of the people in charge to trust me, considering he has command over everyone on this ship.”

“I will do that. But my proposition,” Kylo’s patience had grown exponentially. He knew he would need it considering your obvious inclination to suicidal thoughts. The First Order needed the information that you would be able to share. “My proposition would give you steady work. I believe it would also be beneficial to you. If you give us all the information you have on the Resistance; past, present, or future, you will be officially enrolled into the First Order. You will get a steady income, food, shelter, a place to stay.” He paused and watched a different emotion filter across your face. He had not seen it since you had met Poe for the first time. Was it a use for your life? Was it a new hope? Either way, he knew that you would agree to it. “You would be able to fly whatever you want as well.”

“I’ll do it. That was all I needed you to say.”

Being the Co-Commander of the First Order had quite a few benefits sometimes.


	5. Chapter 5

_Quiet. It was so damn quiet around you. Or was it? Was that the sound of explosions? You could not tell, your body felt as though it was ripping in half. Everything was in pain. Above you, somewhere, you could hear the hum of X-Wing’s and TIE fighters. That was familiar, at least. At least you had something you knew. This pain. Stars above this pain. It was everywhere. Your head, your arms, you torso, your legs; it would not stop._

_Yet perhaps this was familiar. Perhaps you had experienced this pain in the past. Perhaps you had experienced the fire licking at your skin. It burned. You wanted to cry but were unsure if your eyes could produce any liquid. It seemed as though it was all pouring from your skin, the sweat hot and sticky on your body._

_It was in the moment, that moment where you felt the tackiness of your skin did you realize what was happening to you. Of course you had experienced this scenario before. Of course. This was one of the worst days of your life, right behind General…no, Leia, discharging you. With a great amount of energy, you lifted your pounding head. There was blood everywhere. It was everywhere on your body. Just like the pain signals indicated, you were mortally wounded. Your left leg was gone, both your arms were shattered and burned beyond repair. There was a huge chunk of your side missing with your intestines spilling out. It was a macabre scene; beautiful yet haunting. The ground underneath you was hot, the wreckage of your broken X-Wing just a couple of feet away. You knew, even though you could not see it, that your entire bottom jaw was shattered. It was a goner, no way to ever repair it again. So lying there in your own blood, the world came tumbling down around you. This was the beginning of the end. This moment in history was the signature on your death certificate. For years, you would wander aimlessly, no purpose in life; hoping for death to take hold of you so you would not have to experience this universe any longer._

_The sound of your name broke the blackness that was fading over your vision. The sky was bright. Of course. You had forgotten about the weather that day. It was bright and warm, humid. You liked that. Growing up on a desert planet was all well and good, but you liked the rain. You liked the humidity and the warmth. Finally, as your single eye that was left started to focus on the clouds that passed over head, a figure appeared; blocking out your view. Who was that? The shadows were covering their face. As much as you could remember of that particular day, you had already passed out at this point. The pain had gotten to you. But here you were._

_And there was Poe. His usually coiffed hair was matted and sweaty, covered in dirt. He probably saw you go down and landed himself to go and check on you. You could not read the look on his face. It was like every time you tried to look and see, his face would be covered in smoke. You wanted to speak, to see what he was doing, if the information had been collected; but your damn bottom jaw had been blown clean off. It was so frustrating that tears actually did start to form in your eye._

_The salty tears blinded you momentarily. So when you could see once again, Poe was suddenly crouching over your prone form. He had to be helping you up. It seemed as though he was the one that had helped you then….But something was wrong. He had not been on that run. You had commanded it. What was he doing here? Had reinforcements been called in? Did he follow you, knowing that you would have messed up? It all seemed so wrong. You wanted to speak. But nothing came out._

_The constant rambling in your mind stopped when he placed both his hands where your leg should have been. Of course it was gone bu-_

_A pain so excruciating and foreign shot throughout your body. It felt like you had been stuck by lightening, hit by a blaster cannon shot. Your throat tightened in a silent scream. Everything was going black, but you glanced down to see what Poe had done to cause such a sensation. The sight nearly made you pass out._

_He held in his hands the leg that you had been missing. How it came into reality after it was gone was a mystery to you, but you just wanted Poe to stop. The unfortunate thing for you was your throat was not working. Your jaw was gone. No words were escaping your body in a plea for him to stop. All you could do was watch on as blood pour from your thigh like a faucet. Poe, seemingly unfazed by all the blood, then moved on to your arms. The mantra in your head that you repeated prayed to the gods that your arms stayed broken and unable to be moved. But there Poe went once again. His calloused hands ripped away at your muscles. You continued to scream and scream; not a sound to be heard as you continued to bleed out. You just wanted it to stop. You wanted everything to stop. Why would he n-_

”Shit!” You flew up in your bed, the sheets pooling at your waist. Everything was wet with sweat; your tank top, the sleeping pants, the sheets on the bed. At first, you were disoriented, not entirely sure of where you were or what was happening. But when you commanded the lights to be at 20% and saw the black walls staring back at you, you realized where you were. Aboard the Finalizer, you had been “recruited” into the First Order. Recruited may not be the best word, but it was the closest one you could think of in the haze of the nightmare. You were safe, as of right now. Kylo Ren, one of the two Commanders aboard the Finalizer and one, if not the, most powerful person in the First Order gave you something of diplomatic immunity. 

Why? For what purpose? That was what you were wondering as you sat staring down at your metal hands. Why did he give you a safe ‘out’, so to speak? Sure you had knowledge that would be valuable to the First Order. Sure you had been close to the General and the upper echelon. Sure. But you had not been with the Resistance for years. How would you know what they were doing, where they were? How would you know what they were doing next? It all just seemed so far-fetched to you. And it only made you wonder further why he was doing it. Why was he giving you this immunity? What did he see that you did not? 

You sighed, trying to calm down your thoughts so you would not give yourself a headache. With a grunt of effort, you pulled your heavy metal leg out of the bed first. Next came your natural leg. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you closed your eyes and rubbed your temples. It seemed to be a little to late about the whole headache thing. It was already coming on.

“Do you like your new accommodations?” Kylo Ren’s voice made you jump out of your own skin. Your eyes flew open, catching a figure sitting in the dark in the corner of your room. His figure was large, intimidating. Even though you were taller than most, he was still cut quite the image. That, however, did not excuse the fact that he was in your room. And it seemed as though he had been there for a while. So you stood, your heavy metal limbs grinding on your sore muscles. One of the only backsides to having a part metallic body was the weight of it all. It had nearly doubled your weight from when you were made completely of biological matter. 

Ignoring him, you walked towards the fresher. First thing on the agenda was getting this sweat off of your body. “Yes I am. If you would please leave. I know that you nearly own the ship but that does not mean you can just barge in like this.” You passed his still form with slight hesitancy. Even with your, let us say ‘need’ to die, he still was a mysterious person. You knew little to nothing about him; but he apparently knew quite a bit about you. That was probably what freaked you out the most. With a quick hand you wet a cloth and wiped your skin. With him sitting in your room, quietly might you add, you did not want to take off your limbs and do a deep clean. Especially not after that dream you had. After images of Poe’s blank face flashed in your mind. 

“I was simply wondering.” He hummed. You glanced over your shoulder and saw him standing at the door. The hood of his long, strange coat was pushed back. In the lighting of the room, he actually looked tan. It was odd; you thought he would have been ghostly pale like his red headed counterpart. Either way, you hummed back. 

“I haven’t slept like that in a long time.”

~’~

There was a truthfulness to her statement, that much he did know. She was tense from the nightmare she had just experienced. Kylo had been there through it all. Just like Hux, he was beyond interested in this woman. She was an enigma, grey on the scale. Perhaps that was what made her so intriguing, her attitude towards it all. He wanted to know more, dig in deeper.

She was right about him owning the ship, he thought as he watched her wipe away the memories that plastered her skin. He could come in and do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted. Being outside of the chain of command in the First Order gave him that privilege. He could destroy Hux if he wanted, but the Supreme Leader would not be pleased with that. As much as he respected the red head male, that did not mean he had to like him. Either way, Kylo had the power to take action. That was exactly what he was doing. Not only would she be a boon for the First Order, she would entertain him. He liked that. So he would keep her near him.

“Kylo.” Her voice broke him from his thoughts. She was standing in front of him, staring him down. The two of them were nearly the same height, which Kylo enjoyed. She seemed study. Perhaps she would make a good sparring partner. “Did you hear me? Please move.” He stepped out of the door frame and back over to the chair he had been sitting in for the past could of standard hours. His long legs sprawled out in front of him as he collapsed back into the chair. All the while, he watched, watched as she walked over to the pile of clothing that had been brought to her quarters the night before. It was all plain workout clothing, every single piece black. When she slipped the pants on, he noticed she had apparently been busy. The leg on the left had been cut so it did not cover the knee joint. It rested right above the piece. The shirt had not been altered, just a plain short sleeve shirt. After that, she tugged on a pair of boots. That confused him. 

“Why do you wear a boot over your prosthetic?” He asked. It seemed kind of pointless, considering the metal foot was not like skin. It was not going to get cut or get dirty. And if it did get dirty, she could just wash it. Kylo watched on as she sat down and started to lace up the boots. 

“I don’t really want the metal to wear down considering I know how to do maintenance on the part, but I don’t know how to replace it. I was not exactly awake when the Resistance doctors connected it to my nerves. I would not even know where to begin with it,” She paused as she stood. With a tap to the toe of each of her shoes, she glanced up. Her eyes caught Kylo’s, one metal and one biological. It set off a bizarre sensation; the duality of it. “Now why did you come barging in here?” She asked while walking over to him. She crossed her arms over her chest as he stood, pulling the hood back over his head. 

“Hux was calling a meeting. He wanted you there.” Kylo did not suspect the surprise that crossed over her face. She had to have known. She was an important source of information now. The quiet periods of war were the most important. It gave either side time to build up their resources, get ready for the next big event. The things that she could tell them would be held with utmost importance. There was no way she would not have been considered for the meeting. So without further ado, he turned and headed towards the entrance. He only continued out the door when he heard her heavy footsteps behind him.

~’~

There are many things in your life that you never considered would happen to you. One of those was sitting in at a council meeting with the highest members of the First Order. Sure you had never thought you would do that with the Resistance. But when you joined their cause, the last thing in your mind was aiding the First Order. Not because you did not think it was the right thing to do; but because it just never passed your mind. You had been too engrossed in the Resistance’s matters to care about anything else. It gave you a reason to live. Perhaps you could find that here, with the lines and business of the First Order. You hoped so at least. 

Hux calling out to you brought you back to the real world. A dozen sets of eyes landed on your form, watching, waiting for you to do something. These officers obviously did not trust you. They had bene alerted to Kylo’s decision of you joining the Order. It did not mean they had to like it. It seemed as though Hux and Kylo were the only ones that seemed even slightly ok with you. Being on the ship; well, being on the ship ALIVE. “What do you think?” He asked. You had not caught the first end of the question so you glanced over the table. A large holligram of the galaxy floated above you, casting everyone in an eerie red glow. That was another difference between the First Order and the Resistance. They used different colored LED’s to show maps. 

It was the Ileenium system that they were showing. You remembered it well. D’Qar, the planet of the Resistance base. The image of it trailing behind your back was the last time you saw it. So they were wondering about the base.

“After our attack upon the Hosnian system, we were aiming for the Illeenium next.” Hux started, aware that you had not been entirely there when he had been explaining earlier. You had heard of this, obviously. Everyone in the entire galaxy had heard of the Hosnian system’s demise. You had been far in the Outer Rim at the time, skirting the Hutt’s territory. You had not gotten all the details. You especially had not known they were targeting the Resistance’s system next. But the Resistance had been faster to the draw. They destroyed Starkiller Base. Both sides had a fatal blow to the other that day. “However, we have sent scouts out to D’Qar, only to find the Resistance gone. We want to know where they went, or where they are planning on going.” Everyone’s attention had turned back to you, as though you were about to spout the exact coordinates to the hideout. Instead, you leant back in your chair and stared up at the hologram. Slowly, the galaxy spun before you. Where would they have gone?

“Leia,” You started, informal with your previous higher officer. Everyone seemed fine with the jab, but Kylo twitched. You found that slightly odd, but continued anyways. “She is not stupid. She is quite brilliant actually. She has been doing this since the Empire was existence. They, the Resistance, will take every word she says into account; as they should.” You knew there was no way they would go further into the galaxy considering the First Order had a strong hold there. They would stay in the Outer Rim. So you pointed up, signaling towards the outer part. Hux typed a few things into his data pad with disinterest; making the center part of the galaxy disappear. Some of the officers actually seemed to be interested in what you had to say. “Of course they are going to want to have a planet with resources.”

“They have gone to Hoth in the past. Why would they need a planet with resources?” An angry looking older man started. He was sitting two from Hux’s right at the head of the table. You could not see any distinguishing features about his rank from where you were sitting by Kylo’s left on the other end. You heard Kylo let a strange noise in his throat. Whether it was in agreement or anger, you had no idea. Either way, you continued. If Hux and Kylo wanted you hear for information and input; that was exactly what you were going to give them. 

“That is true, but they have gotten far smarter over the years. There is no need to go to a planet like Hoth as the galaxy grows.” You stopped, looking at the planets floating above you again. The Outer Rim was out of First Order territory as well as rich in resource potent planets. Many of them were heavily populated as well. That cause you to stop and squint. Beside you, you saw Kylo’s head turn. “Considering the First Order has just landed such a blow on the Resistance, they are probably scrambling to get soldiers and resources. “

This time, it was Hux’s turn to lean back in his chair. He rested his chin upon his fingers as he stared at you. It was disturbing; not being able to read someone. You attributed it to his military training. Barely anyone in the Resistance had that kind of background. “It is true that we did that. Wiping out the Senate, who funds their little escapades, was a rather large blow against their infrastructure.”

”Exactly. So they are looking to replenish the casualties of the last large battle they experienced. People from the Outer Rim, with nothing else in their life, are the perfect recruits.” You spoke from experience. Kylo could see the sudden memories flashing through your head as others started to speak up. It seemed like that was your plan, give them something to speak about and then slowly fade into the background. From the other side of the table, you could briefly feel Hux’s eyes on you. 

Yet before you could look up and see if it was truly him, Kylo placed a large hand upon your wrist. He was quiet. He always seemed quiet. Really, you could not even think of him being loud. It kind of made you jealous, as he pulled you up from the seat, that his footsteps were lighter than yours. “Follow me. They do not need us for the rest of the meeting.” When you glanced over your shoulder, catching Hux’s stare, you wanted to tell Kylo that did not seem like the case. But he was bizarrely strong, able to pull you even with the added weight of your prosthetics. “If we are needed for anything else, they will come and get us.”

You had a feeling you would be seeing Hux later that cycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my headcanon Kylo, after his training, is far calmer. He is resigned to the dark side so he is actually, a smidgen, sort of happy. Plus I like the thought of Kylo being so large, but really quiet as he walks about.


	6. Chapter 6

Quiet. It was so damn quiet on the Finalizer. That was something you noticed rather quickly as you walked about. Kylo had rushed you out of the meeting room so fast that you had not been able to catch the end of the conversation. He pulled you along, a strange smile on your face the entire time, until the two of you came to some strange room. Like the rest of the ship, it was deathly quiet. There were tables with a couple of chairs around each. On the other side of the room, some sort of dispenser had been built into the wall. 

“This is for most officers. Stormtroopers do not have access. They eat in the main rec hall.” He said, still pulling you along, his big hand wrapped around your cool metal wrist. The two of you stopped in front of the wall. He pressed a few buttons before a small pastry popped out of the machine. He the turned and handed it to you. It was sweet smelling, you had to give it that. And you actually liked sweets. Growing up on a mining planet, you did not have the opportunity to have sweets all that often. When you made it to the Resistance, everything changed. Desserts were ready at hand for the higher ups; that included you. Even though you…let us say indulged yourself with the Resistance, you still had the biggest sweet tooth. “That is good to know.” Kylo chuckled, staring down at you. Your eyes flicked up with a question. Had you said that out loud? “No. But I can see it. The Force is a powerful thing.”

“The Force… I have heard of it yes.” You pulled a bit of the waxy paper off the sides of the treat before biting into it. Perhaps it was poisoned. Perhaps he was going to kill you, perhaps he changed his mind.

“That is not my intention.” Once again, it seemed as though he saw through your mind. Kylo walked over to one of the tables and sat down. Your body moved on its own, as though it were being pulled, to put you down in the seat across from him. You did not question it; just took another bite of your pastry. “You said you knew of the Force.” Just like when you first encountered him, he did not form it as a question. But you knew what he was doing. He wanted to know how.

“Yes,” You started, placing the pastry onto the table. The paper that was wrapped around it protected it against the hard surface. Either way, you stared at the chocolate chips as you spoke. “Most everyone in the galaxy knows of Jedis. The Force, lightsabers, good and evil. I have to be honest however; with no personal experience of these individuals that are talented with the Force, I have no way to give you any sort of opinion. Though, I have me you,” With one metallic fingernail, you pick slowly at the pastry. For a moment, you continue to stare at the treat before you. When your eyes flicker back up to look at him, you catch him staring at you. There is this strange… You guessed you could call it a smile, stretched across his face. It’s odd, that look. But you supposed that a commander of the First Order would be composed and calm, sure of themselves. Perhaps it was not that far off. “I have met you and you seem fine. You saved my life to be honest. Force users cannot be that bad then.” You hummed while taking another bite. With a sample size of one, your assumption had flimsy standing at best. But you could not help it. Kylo, for reasons that you could not comprehend, saved your life. Whether you wanted to live or not was another question. As of right now, you were grateful for his kindness. And if you showed that you were grateful enough, he would perhaps grant you the courtesy of a swift death. 

That smile that had spread across his face turned south. He was reading your mind again; and it seemed as though he did not like what you were thinking. You leant back in the chair, the pastry still in your hand. 

“A full discussion about the Force will have to be held for another time. Perhaps when we train together.” There was a hint of laughter, of lightness in Kylo’s voice. “But what you can know right now is yes, there is the darkness and the light. Two sides that fight each other is what keeps the universe in balance.” A pause. He noticed the look on your face as you chewed the last bite of your pastry. 

“What side are you on?” You had an idea. But because he as the person you were closest to on this ship, and you really did not want to ruin your relationship with him so soon in, you did not speculate in your head or out loud. 

Kylo titled his black hair to the side, as though the question were just that simple. “I… I am…” But he stumbled over his words. It was the first time since you met him that he acted in such a way. It was slightly bewildering. “I am simply Kylo for now. The validity of that statement cane be explored at a later date as well.” He finished while standing up from his chair. Quietly, just like times before, he glided over to the door. Once there, he stopped and glanced back over his shoulder as though he were waiting for you. And it seemed just like he was. So you followed while throwing the paper down the chute. In the hallway, he turned back towards you. “There are some things that I need to do for the rest of the cycle. You are free to do as you please.” And like that, he was gone. Leaving you to your own devices. And that was how you found out that the ship was quiet for the amount of souls working on it. Mindlessly, you continued through the steel grey hallways. Everything looked the same; minute after minute, step after step. Finally, you found what seemed to be an executive hallway. You walked down to the last door, only to find that you were standing before ‘General Hux’s ‘ office door.

He did seem as though he wanted to speak with you before Kylo had tugged you out of the meeting. His steely green eyes; it seemed like he looked straight through you. But you were intrigued by him. The First Oder’s General; why would you not be. So with little hesitation, you walked up to the door. You had never been on a star destroyer class ship before, so this was where you got stuck. Did you knock? There was a hand scanner beside it. Perhaps that was what you did? But then you would not be able to get in. Not only would your hands not be registered within the system; but you did not have biological matter to register in the first place. It was all making you fret and fidget. Anxiety like this had not taken over you in years.

“Come in.” The sound of the door opening and Hux’s voice of a speaker nearly made you jump out of your skin. Apparently he had cameras outside his office. But of course he would. He was the General of the First Order. Safety was key. 

You walked in to find a magnificent office. The entire back wall behind Hux was transparisteel, looking out into the vastness of space. Nebula and stars flickered behind him, playing off the red of his hair. He was sitting back in his chair, typing diligently on a large data-pad hooked to his desk. To the right of that data-pads screen, four other screens were set up in a grid. You guessed that they were cameras showing feeds from the rest of the ship. More safety for the most important person aboard. 

Hux finally glanced up at your approaching figure. You stood in front of his desk, still slightly anxious from the whole door escapade. Back and forth your head went, taking in all the decorations… well, lack thereof. The only things in the room were you, him, and the desk. The rest was hard walls and the clear material behind him. “How are you finding it here aboard the Finalizer?” The question caught you off guard. You honestly were not expecting warm hospitality from Hux. Having been around military men in your life, you knew that they were not the fuzzy type. Not that Hux was being fuzzy asking you about his ship; but it was more than you were expecting to get from him.

“Good. It’s big.” You laughed. Lots and lots and lots of rooms really. Enough to get lost in. Were you going to tell him that? No. But it was a thought that you found kind of annoying. The Resistance base had been smaller at least.

He sighed. “It is a weapon of war [f/n].” There it was. When he said your name, a shiver ran down your spine. His voice was very distinct; you were unable to place the accent as of right then. But you enjoyed it. It was strangely lilting; far lighter than Kylo’s voice. “But that is irrelevant as of right now.” He stood and turned towards the back wall. He stood at parade rest as he stared out into space.

Slowly, you made your way towards him. You were a part of the First Order now. Unsure of your place, the General was not where you wanted to test your limits. However, he glanced over his shoulder at you and actually smirked. “Do not worry. You are a part of the First Order that is correct. But you are not a part of my chain of command. Technically, you are more connected to The Knights of Ren than you are to me.” You stopped next to him, halfway turned towards his form and half turned towards the window.

“Knights of Ren?” That was something no one had discussed with you. Judging by the word Ren, Kylo was connected to it somehow. A splinter group of the First Order? Was Kylo the leader? The look that Hux gave you said you would not be getting answers out of him.

His green eyes looked nearly yellow in the strange light. “That is not my story to tell. You will have to ask Ren, I mean Kylo, about that.” A small life and a sigh came out of your mouth. Of course. It was not like you minded though. You could wait. You have lasted far longer than you ever expected to. These men, General Hux and Kylo Ren, have given you a second chance at life so to speak. At the moment, you would do what they asked you to. It was not like you had anywhere to go, anyone to run back to. You were rather comfortable where you were to be honest.

~’~

Hux stared at her. She seemed to be in deep thought as her eyes slipped closed. The amount to which she mystified him was immeasurable. Half human, half cybernetics; not exactly a robot, but not exactly a droid either. From what Kylo told him, her allegiances lied with herself. It was a dangerous game to play in this day and age, but he respected her for that. She stood by her values, unwavering and rather unnerving as well. 

The longer he looked, the more of her he was able to take in. She was actually quite good looking. Strong features, caused mainly by the metallic parts of her face, were accented by a strong body. He had always been interested in cybernetics. She was like a living experiment to him. All the light that played off the reflective surfaces connected to her body… What a mystical looking visage. This was far more supernatural than the Force that Kylo touts on and on about. She…She was rather brilliant in the lights of the stars.

“Tell me about yourself.” He said. It was honest intrigue. He wanted to know more about her. The look she gave him made him genuinely laugh. Pure surprise and astonishment. That told him quite a bit. She was a lone wolf so to speak. Through the years, she had little human interaction. Obviously, there had been few people that asked her to talk about herself. They stood face to face; space spinning and swirling behind them before she finally spoke.

“I’m…I am ugh, from Apatros.”

“The mining colony. Yes.”

A pause, a beat. She was lost, obviously so. She needed help. He did not want to go anywhere to public, a place that other officers could pass by and hear them talking. She was still very much a topic of controversy aboard the ship. With a quick hit of a button, he activated the mic on his data-pad.

“Mitaka, you have the bridge.”

“Yes sir.”

Hux looked up, seeing her staring at him. Her eyes, from what he could tell, had become heterochromatic. She had her original eye, and her new eye which was a jarring yellow tone. “Follow me.” He started towards the exit. Behind him, he could hear her heavy footsteps.

“Where are we going?”

“My quarters.” They were in the hallway when she stopped. Glancing over his shoulder, he could see the utter confusion written across her face. “Being the General has its perks. My quarters contains a sitting room. We can discuss things more privately there.” For someone so accepting of death, she was rather jumpy upon new situations. But his words seemed to soothe her. She slowly started to follow him again.

~’~

The stories of her life only intrigued him further. He felt a pull, an attraction to her that he had not felt since sometime in the academy. It was odd, he found. But it was an oddity full of enjoyment. 

“I must admit, there is a part of me that hopes to find a purpose here, with you.” She said. It sounded like she was speaking directly to him; about finding a reason with him. But he knew better. She was talking about the First Order, about the Knights of Ren. She was not talking about the two of them personally. 

Yet he could not help but wish. And he could not help the words that slipped from his mouth. “You are so enchanting.” Even with the lights at just below 50%, he could still see the fiery blush that exploded across her skin. He wanted to reach out, to touch her; feel the heat on the remaining skin of her body. But he had to be professional. He had to make up for the snafu that he just did. “I apologize. I did not mean it in a derogatory way.”

“No.” She cut him off. This time, he was surprised. Slightly a military woman herself and not the most feminine person from her childhood; he did not expect that accepting of the compliment. “I…I liked it…thank you.” Modest. That was the word he would use to describe her in that moment. Incredibly modest and almost shy. Another alluring aspect of her person.

As much as he wanted to continue speaking with her, indulging in her past, he had to get back to the bridge. “I thank you for sharing all that you did with me. It was incredibly courteous of you.” He said, standing from the couch. She mirrored his movement, a flush still covering her body. It took all that he had in him to not take his gloves off, to grab her and hold her against his body.

“It was nothing. Thank you for listening.” They walked out of the room together. She followed him for most of the way back to the bridge, but stopped outside of the large control room. Once again, she fidgeted, back and forth in the heavy boots she wore. It was nearly identical to the movements she was making outside his door. Cute. That was the word he had been looking for. He found it cute. “You can do whatever you please. Like I said before. You do not actually report to me. You report to Kylo. He will be able to find you if you are needed.” They stared at each other for a few more moments. There was a quiet hum from the room adjacent to them; the room that Hux needed to get into, back to his job. But he could not help but stare at her a little longer. Little to his knowledge, a foreign warm pit grew in her stomach. Attention, attraction; she had felt it once in her life. It was treacherous and poisonous. She had to be feeling it because of those years she spent drifting through space all alone. And suddenly, two men, who are actually rather attractive, are giving her some sort of preferential treatment. It was only logical that she would be feeling this way. Some less cynical part of her thought that perhaps, perhaps something could bloom out of these relationships.

“Thank you General.” With a nod, she walked away; leaving the red headed general reaching out in his mind, for he could not do it with his physical body.

~’~

You found yourself in a training bay. There were some men, about 3 doze, scattered about the large room. It was humming quietly with activity. No one noticed you at first, as you walked about; but they slowly glanced up. You realized most of these people were Stormtroopers with their helmets off. They had not even realized who you were. It was all the officers that had problems with you. This room, it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. There were no harsh looks, just interest. They must have thought you were a new trooper. 

But you were glad they did not speak to you. Whether it was because they were not allowed to, or they just did not want to; you did not care. It was soothing to be around people that did not give you such nasty looks. Those officers at the meeting had given you quite the beating. 

“You must be the girl who is putting Hux into a tizzy.” A woman’s voice, deeper than Hux’s by far, caused you to turn. She was huge, bulkier than Kylo and taller than Hux. A shock of nearly white blond hair sat on the top of her head. She was wearing a sweat stained sports bra and shorts, exposing her incredibly athletic body. It seemed as though everyone knew who you were and you knew who know one was.

“You have me at a disadvantage. I do not think I caught your name.”

“You did not.” She said, turning and sitting down onto a bench. The top of her head had longer hair than the rest. She had arms that looked as though they could crush your skull with ease. You had the urge to ask if she would. “Captain Phasma. I have control of all the Stormtroopers within the First Order.” So this was THE Captain Phasma. She was the woman, with the help of General Hux, who turned around the Stormtroopers. No longer were they bumbling idiots, shooting wildly at their enemies. Sleek killing units. They were a formidable army. You respected her tremendously for that. 

“I see. And yes, I guess I am the woman that has put Hux into a tizzy, as you put it.” You laughed, causing a small chuckle from her. A tizzy. Was that bad? You were unsure about asking her. 

“You should have seen him. For as long as I have known him, I don’t think I have ever seen him that out of place. You are pretty, I can give that to him.” 

Once again, you flushed. What was with all these powerful people complimenting you? What did they see? Obviously something you did not. You had half the mind to call them out for it. Instead, you just blinked and smiled. 

“Well you look pretty fit. If you ever want to work out, train, or spar; just give me a call. I am pretty easy to find.” She smiled up at you. For a moment, there was a nice silence between the two of you. Phasma was definitely on your “like” list. She seemed incredibly kind for being in control of the most feared army in the history of the galaxy. You watched as her eyes slid from you to the entrance where you came from. “Looks like your knight is here to pick you up.” Phasma chuckled. You turned your head and spotted Kylo. He was walking towards the two of you. The troopers either froze or slightly moved out of the way. He was obviously not liked all that much. You wondered why. 

His eyes caught sight of the flush upon your skin. A smile, small and nearly unseen, spread across his face. Kylo liked it. He could feel through the Force the heat on your body. Usually, all he could feel was cold and cynicism. That was rather tiring considering that was all he ever felt on the Finalizer, especially coming from Hux. But here you were, a happy warmth on your body. 

“Should I ask what the two of you were talking about?” Kylo actually questioned, stopping in front of the two of you. Phasma laughed.

“I like you a lot better now. I was just saying how pretty she is.” Kylo, at this range, could actually feel the heat that bloomed over your body. It was beautiful and deep. It made him yearn to feel it upon his own skin. But you just let out an uncomfortable laugh and grabbed his hand. With a tug, you started back towards the door.

“What is with you guys and the compliments?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phasma is a chill ass bitch, let's not kid ourselves.


	7. Chapter 7

Being on the Finalizer was an entire new experience for you. You had enjoyed living on planets for a multitude of reasons. One of the biggest ones being that you liked knowing when a day elapsed. It gave you a sense of time, a sense of space; really a sense of meaning. But here on this rather intimidating hulk of metal, you had lost all feeling and hold on that. Sure, you could tell when things were happening from the cycles and the different crews coming onto the deck, but your internal clock had gone to shit. It was rather aggravating. 

That was how you found yourself, once again, mindlessly walking through the hundreds of halls littered about the great war ship. You found yourself in a quiet section, only having passed a handful of storm troopers and officers alike. The Stormtroopers all marched right on, not even turning their helmets in your direction. But you were not so spared when it came to the marching officers. Many, really most of them, gave you hateful looks. You could see it in their minds. They were wondering why you were there. Who had assigned you to their ship? Who had let you on board? Perhaps you were some call girl. But who would want a half robot call girl? It…hurt. You could readily admit that it really did hurt you a lot. Having been alone for so long, you had forgotten what it felt like to have barbs thrown your way. To have people say disgustingly horrible things to you, to think those things about you. It almost made you want to be alone once again. 

However, there were things that you needed to do on this ship, with these people. So you continued on through the hallways, your head held high as you went. The first thing you decided to do this cycle, once you got there, was train. Kylo had mentioned that you all were going to go planet side somewhere soon, so getting some training in together would be beneficial. It would give everyone a chance to see how you worked together. 

“There you are.” Kylo’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. You looked up, catching Kylo about to turn into a training room. He had a slightly different outfit on. It looked lighter, like you could move around far easier in it. He blinked as you stared at him. He still was not used to your intense look. The years you had spent alone did not do wonders for your social skills. “You still there?” He chuckled while waving a hand in front of your face. It snapped you out of your thoughts once again.

“Ah yes. Sorry. I was actually just trying to find you. Coincidence I guess.” You laughed while following him into the training room. “So wha-“ You froze when spotting the occupants of the room. All dressed in black, similarly to Kylo, the six others stared in your direction. It hit you when they stood in unison, giving a bow to Kylo, that these were the infamous Knights of Ren. Cold blooded killers, they were a ruthless machine that wiped out the existence of anyone that stood in their way. There were stories upon stories across the galaxy about them, perhaps more than the Jedi. You had heard horrors to love stories. It was all mixed, rarely any good. But here they were, in the flesh. To your surprise, they were mainly humanoids; four of the six. Every single one was of varying skin colors though. They ranged from Kylo’s paleness to a forest green. You stood their stunned, especially when they all turned, once again in unison, to look at you. The first one to approach was a hulk of a man. He had to be at least 7’5 and 400 pounds. You tilted your head back to look at his face. His hair was in a long braid, a blackish blue color. It was a strange combination with his ash grey skin. He stared down at you with dark red eyes. After your conversation with Kylo in the quiet rec room, you had done some research on the Sith, the dark side of the Force. They occasionally had red eyes, or even yellow eyes.

“What is your name?” His voice was even deeper than you were expecting. It was like you could feel the rumble in his chest. It was accented. Yet, just like Hux, you could not place it; even with your extensive travels. Not to upset the towering behemoth of a man, you answered. He nodded slowly for a few moments. When he was done, the two of you stared at one another. His red eyes narrowed; and you were terrified for a moment that you had done something you were not supposed to. That is, until he reached out and grabbed the back of your neck like a small animal. His fingers rubbed the metal part of your body there. You tensed as his fingers trailed up and over your face. “Nothing. I sense nothing. Master, what is she?” 

…

…

…

You were beyond confused at his actions and words. Nothing? What did he mean? Was it meant to be an insult? You frowned. 

“Look at her arms.” Another one exclaimed. It caused the five others to rush over to you. They touched your prosthetic limbs, ‘oohing’ and ‘awing’ as they went about it. It was then that you realized they all were in the same boat as you. It was either a leg, an arm, or perhaps all of their limbs that had been taken from them. It was…relieving. It felt as though you formed a kinship with these individuals in the pain that you had all experienced. Maybe they had stories similar to yours, of so called “families” taking everything away from them.

“All of you, enough.” Kylo said. You yourself could barely hear it. It was as though he had whispered the words. But they all jumped away from you. The large man moved the least, standing like he was your guard, as Kylo walked over. “She will be training and working with us from now on.” A hum. A low hum rung out in the room. It sounded bizarre, not like anything a human could make. It made it quite obvious that they were definitely not all humans. There was a high probability that you and Kylo were the only humans in the room. Either way, they all stepped away, going and starting their own little training exercises. Only you, Kylo, and the large man were left in the group. “Ek’Way. What is it that you need?” Ek’Way, the man’s name was Ek’Way. Black hole. How appropriate. The man’s sheer scale pulled you in, pulled you in and did not let go. 

Ek’Way turned to look at you once again. It made you wonder a few things; one of them being who would win in a fight, Kylo or Ek’Way. Your money was on the taller of the two. “I like her. Keep her with you.” You flushed a deep crimson. Seriously, what was with everyone on board? First it was Hux, then Phasma, and now Ek’way. Had they been talking to each other, sharing ways to make you blush? 

But Kylo just smirked and grabbed your wrist. “I will. Now we must train. Go. Start.” And just like that, Ek’ Way was on the other side of the room. 

“Are they all trained in the ways of the Force?” You asked. The question came out of nowhere to you. It just seemed logical, perhaps, in that moment. How else could someone so large move so quietly? It was like Kylo. Ek’Way’s movements sparked jealousy in you. Once again, you wished to be as graceful as the ones with the powers.

“Yes. I am their master.” Kylo answered. He dragged you across the large empty room. There were not many things inside aside from a few mats on the floor. “They are very skilled in the ways of the Force.” With that confirmation, you were starting to wonder if you had any Force abilities hidden within you. It sure would do you good in the whole ‘not very gentle’ area. Apparently, as the two of you stopped in the center of a mat face to face, Kylo found your thoughts funny. “The Force flows through everyone. It just takes time to find it within yourself. Now, let us train. I wish to know how your body works when we go planet side together.” He started to stretch. His lean limbs and rippling muscles distracted you from the rather sexually charged remark about ‘bodies’ that he had just said. Yet somehow you were able to pull yourself together long enough to stretch the last bits of actual muscle you still had on your body. For a few moments, when you waited for him to finish, you wondered what this would accomplish. On one hand, he was a Jedi…No, a “dark” Force user. He would have no trouble facing anyone; let alone facing you. But on the other hand, you wondered if he could fight you when you had limbs like yours. Of course it was a sparring session, but your body was still half mechanical. You were more robot than you were human. In that moment, you found it, for some reason, more likely that you would win this little match. The reason was escaping you as he stood, getting into a starting position. His feet were balanced, one in front of the other. Large hands held into strangely relaxed fists, he rolled his neck one last time as he waited for your signal. Once you were ready, he took a couple of deep breaths before launching himself at you.

It was sensual, the way he moved. It was animalistic, yet graceful; like a black panther. You dodge, mainly, testing the waters as he swung at you. Many a times, he actually was able to land a blow. It was lucky for you that it was all on metal parts of your body. It did however ring against your ears. It burned and churned, causing you to change your approach to the sparring. You crouched down and spun on your metal knee when he came at you once again. Now, the two of you had switched places. He started to block your jabs. 

Back and forth, back and forth. The push and pull of your fighting felt normal, familiar. It reminded you of someone from your past.

You felt a blurring to your senses as the two of you continued. It only stopped when you swung your left arm faster than he was able to block. It landed in the middle of his sternum, flinging him backwards against the floor. All you could do was stand and stare at him, your metal fist clenched out in front of you. From the way the training match had been going, the likelihood of you actually landing a blow on him was slim to none. You were shocked, speechless and motionless. That was how you found yourself surrounded, multiple different types of weapons pointed in your general direction. Six angry faces were focused on you.

“That was unexpected.”

Your words did not appease the angry little mob that had you cornered. If anything, it made them angrier.

Kylo grunted and stood up. “Down.” They moved in synch, moving away from the two of you. The knights all moved back to what they were doing, but kept a close eye on your movements. Once they were preoccupied, you glanced back at Kylo. He was frozen for a few moments, staring at you with a look you could not quite decipher. And his movements were so fast, aided by the Force, that you did not realize you were on your back. His larger body had you pinned to the ground, his hips hovering over yours. Kylo’s black hair created a curtain around his scarred face.

“That is not fair.” He smiled down at you. You decided that you liked that smile. It was…nice, familiar. The upturn of his lips caused a warm sensation in your stomach. When his hand combed through your hair, it only increased. His hands. They were so big. Just like his eyes. All of it was so familiar, it caused you to pause and simply stare at him. 

“I do not think I have to tell you that life is not fair.” Kylo muttered while leaning down on his elbows. His arms caged you in as he continued to brush through your hair with his fingers. 

A blink.

A shudder.

His face was so close to yours. Why was that? What was he doing? Was something wrong with you? Was he trying to check on you? With his hand on the metal part of your face, his fingers just brushing against the skin that connected to it; his lips were almost pressed against yours when his com link chirped. 

A blink.

A shudder.

He groaned, still staring into your confused eyes. For a moment, you thought he was not going to stand up, that he was just going to hover there above you. But he finally sighed, pressing his forehead against yours for a second before standing; leaving you there to absorb what had just happened. Your body did not even feel real. The days, the months, the years that you had spent by yourself out in the void. It had deadened your sense of…sense of what? Humanity? Livingness? What were you at this point? A husk of your former self sounded rather accurate. Especially as you slowly stood from your sprawled out position on the floor. You looked over to Kylo and saw him staring down at the device. He stood like that for a couple of minutes, his time weary face blank. Only when a frown formed did you know his brain had not short circuited. 

“Only a little while longer. We are being sent to an Outer rim planet.” Kylo said, still in that low talking voice. He had to have had some sort of connection with the knights. It was the only way he could speak to them without shouting. However, you did not have this connection that they all shared so you had to walk over to the taller male. 

“What is happening?” You asked.

He finally looked away from the com. His hazel toned eyes bore into your own. “We have a lead on Skywalker and the scavenger girl.”

And just like that, you were left in the dark once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> were about to have some Rey and Finn interactions.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is titled the reader confuses the shit out of Hux and ends up confusing herself. Also subtitled emotions do not compute.

The eight of you finally left the training room. Kylo had explained to you while you were grabbing your over shirt to wrap around your waist that you were to report to the docking bay 72-AA after you met with the general. Apparently the red headed man had somethings to speak with you about. It put you on edge. Not because you were afraid of the man, no. It was because you had gotten comfortable with the Knights in the time you had trained with them. They did not judge you for the “errors” of your body. It was the complete opposite of the officers on board. The Knights actually complimented you on it all.

Before the seven of them turned off in the other direction, Kylo stopped you with a hand upon your wrist. “Do you know how to fly an Epsilon Class shuttle?” He asked with a smirk on his face, as though he already knew the answer to his question. There was a strange sensation on your wrist. It was then that you realized you could feel his thumb rubbing on the inner part of your arm. That was strange, an oddity. You had felt things on your metal arms before; but that was large hits or when you banged your arm. Something as delicate as the passing of a finger, it should not have happened. You would have to ask someone about that, perhaps a mechanic on board. They had to have had one considering six of the most important individuals on board had prosthetics like you.

“I know how to fly anything.” You replied. The answer did pull at your heart slightly. It was something that Poe had always said as a joke, even though it was true. The Rebellion tended to teach its pilots in as many shuttles and ships as possible. It was to cover all situations. In the end, you picked up Poe’s little saying. It became habit. But Kylo found it amusing. He smiled, familiar and hurting to you once again, before letting your wrist slip from his grasp. You turned and headed in the direction of where the general would be. Unsurprisingly, he was in his office. It had to be that or the bridge. And boy were you glad it was not the bridge.

When you came up to his door, you reached up to knock upon the thick corregated metal but it suddenly shot up. 

The cameras, right. You thought as you stepped into the room. Once again, you were stunned by the distinct beauty. It was sparse, barely any furniture. But what you loved the best was the clear wall. You could see the swirling depths of space behind Hux’s desk. Speaking of that, there was actually one other person in the office aside from Hux. The two were looking at you as you walked in. Whoever the man was, he was older, far older than the two of you. The wrinkles on his face were deep, the hair upon his head a white tone. Perhaps when he was younger, he was a rather handsome man. But it was obvious that the years had gotten to him.

“You told Kylo to get me?” You asked, your eyes still wearily switching between the two of them. The fact that you did not know the older gentleman was putting you on edge. But the general was quick to assuage your concerns, launching right into why he called for you.

“Yes. Considering you are under Kylo’s command, and that means you are going with them to the planet, I want you to have some upgrades on your limbs.” He motioned with his head towards the other male. “This is the head biomechanics operator. His name is Garrison.” The white haired male shook your hand. “He will upgrade just your arms for now. Please sit.” Hux actually stood from his own chair and motioned for you to take his place. It seemed out of place and wrong, but he was not sitting back down or moving. So you walked around the desk and sat in the rather comfortable seat. Garrison walked over, pulling a chair and a box of what you presumed to be tools. All the while, Hux was standing behind the older male, observing everything like an angry hawk. He watched with sharp eyes as Garrison started on your left arm.

“May I ask what these upgrades will be?” It seemed like a logical question.

And surprise surprise, you got a logical response. However, it was startling coming from Garrison instead of Hux. You just thought he was so in control that he would answer the question for you. “The General wished to have a high tech blaster placed into both your arms,” He started while slowly getting your forearm off. “It won’t take much time, I created it myself after all. It bends like a rubber synthetic material, but is still as durable as steel.” Garrison seemed incredibly intelligent, perhaps the creator of many prosthetics that the First Order used. You thought about asking him about the senses and nerves you were having earlier with Kylo, but went against it. It only happened once. If it happened again, you would go back to Garrison. At the moment, he was slowly working on your arms. The first one went well enough, Hux still watching like a hawk the entire time. Yet when he got to the second one, he had ran into a problem. Garrison went all the way up to your shoulder to take off the entire prosthetic. You watched his old eyes narrow, focusing on the nerves circuit. Perhaps he was seeing what caused your strange senses earlier. 

“What is wrong?” Hux questioned, actually sounding concerned. You felt the heat of his body as he stepped closer to your back. He had moved around the chair to get a better look. 

But the white haired man simply shook his head and went about his business. “Nothing.” But he did glance back up at you. “If you experience any pains or problems, come back to me.” With that, he reconnected your arm and stood. “You do the same thing as before to shoot, lifting both your hands back towards your shoulders.” Garrison explained, mocking the movement for you. When you did it, you heard the familiar click of the sockets opening, exposing the blasters hidden within your arms. Your eyes flickered back up to spot Garrison staring at you. Everyone in the First Order either had an impenetrable poker face, or you had gotten extremely terrible at reading people because you had no idea what he wanted in that moment. But you did not have to guess for long since he turned and left the room without another word. You sat there, slightly stunned by it all.

“Is he always like that?” You asked as Hux walked over to the window. His hair was a fiery red in the light of the stars outside.

~’~

She was…She was something else. Hux was still very confused on the entire topic of her being. A tall woman, she was bigger than most officers aboard the Finalizer. The fact that most of her body was composed of metal only adder to her stature. 

Of course, he found her attractive; he could readily admit that. He found her quite attractive actually. Yet that was not the only facet of his attraction to her. Maybe attraction, to the other parts, was not the best word to use. Obsession? No, that was too strong still. Fascination? That sounded right, far more so than the first option. Fascination described it rather well. He was fascinated by her bizzare personality. She seemed open to death as though it were a close friend, a previous lover. What happened to her, aside from the obvious accident that caused her to act in such a manner? Was it the years she spent along, traveling the galaxy? It had to be that, as he recalled from the other day. What else could it have been? 

Yet that did not hide the fact he was still very much attracted to her. Her energy, her life; Hux was entranced. It confounded him to no end. It all just seemed like something Ren would be far better versed in. 

So he felt as though he were under a trance as he watched her stand from his chair, something he tried to burn into his memories. She slowly walked over to him and stared out the window as well. This seemed to be something they did quite often. Moments passed with nothing said in between them. Both, unknown to Hux, enjoyed it. The silence was comfortable. But it had to come to an end. She turned towards him, closer now; whether she knew it or not.

“I am sorry General-“

“Hux.”

“What?” Her eyes blinked. The one on the metal side of her face looked yellow in this light. It darkened when you got closer to the middle.

“Call me Hux. Whenever we are alone, that is.”

He watched her nod and process the information. “Well Hux. I am sorry but I must go. Kylo and the knights are waiting for me.” She started away, towards the exit. But Hux was faster and caught her, on the hand this time. It was intimate, so much so that she nearly jumped out of her skin. Very little contact of this nature had been shared over the years she had spent in space; nearly none to be exact. His long fingers locked around hers. She turned and looked into his eyes with confusion written all over her face.

“I got you this upgrade because I wanted you to stay safe.” Utter shock blocked out the confusion. She was dumbfounded, flabbergasted that he had said that to her. It made Hux frown. “I want you to come back to m… the Finalizer, in one piece.” He was telling the truth. He did not want her to get hurt, to be gone before he was able to do anything. Emotions were such a fickle thing for a general that spent a majority of his life tampering them down. 

“I see. Well thank you.” She said while slowly pulling her hand away from his. Before she was able to continue on her path towards the exit, Hux started to undo the top of his shirt. It caused her to pause. What in stars name was he doing? She thought he was about to strip in front of her, but instead he pulled out a necklace. It was a still cord with two tags on it. She had seen that before. 

Dog tags.

Those were his First Order issued dog tags. 

She had no idea what to do as he walked right up to her and grabbed her hand back. This close, the heat rolled off of his body. To everyone else, he seemed cold, frozen in time with a scowl on his face. But she knew differently. He was so warm. 

“Please.” Hux started. His hands trailed up her arms and to her neck. With a slow movement, he placed the tags around her neck. They fell with a quiet noise against her chest. The steel cord made a clanking on the one metal side of her neck. “Please stay safe.”

~’~

You finally made your way back to the docking area where Kylo and the other knights were waiting for you. On the way back, you had passed your quarters and grabbed some clothing. You did not get any information on the planet, but they had not been dressed heavily so you guessed it was not cold. Either way, Kylo did not say anything about bringing weaponry, so you made your way back. It seemed rather smart to you to put your over shirt back on to cover the metal tags that hug around your neck. The few times that Kylo and Hux had actually interacted in front of you left quite a bit to your imagination. They did not seem hostile, but very little friendliness was shared between the two. You decided it would be best to not show the dog tags that Hux had placed around your neck.

“I have already done the pre-flight check.” Kylo said as you entered the shuttle. It seemed as though one of the jobs you would have with Kylo would be pilot. That was not a problem for you. If you got to fly, you were alright. With a few more adjustments, you took off. The Knights in the back area were quiet, presumably all meditating; preparing for when you all landed. Kylo sat next to you, just as quiet as the rest of his brethren. It did not bother you. You liked the silence. It was familiar. It treated you nicely and never gave you rude looks. The silence was a friend. So you were able to fly the rest of the way in the quiet of the cockpit. When you entered the planet’s atmosphere, something you suspected was exclusive to the Knights occurred. As though they were one unit, they all started to wake at the same time. They had to have been able to feel the approach. You thought of asking Kylo about it later.

But at that moment, you were finally able to see what type of planet it was as you landed in between the thick jungle. 

And that was exactly what it was.

A jungle.

A swamp.

You could feel yourself sweating from inside the ship. Growing up on a desert planet, it was extremely unlikely that you ever got any rain. And when you did, it only lasted a couple of minutes before moving on. Of course you experienced rain and humid planets during your traveling years, but you tended to avoid those planets. When you turned to grab your stuff and exit the safety of the shuttle, you wondered how the Knights did not keel over from heat exhaustion. They were all dressed in thick black layers, masks and all. 

Before you could stop yourself, words slipped from your mouth. “How can you deal with this heat?” You asked Kylo, following him and the others off the ship. Immediately, you started to sweat. You did not take another step into the swamp before taking your over shirt off. Instead of take the tags off, you simply slipped Hux’s necklace under your bottom shirt. 

“I was born on Corellia and grew up there.” 

That surprised you. Kylo really was a strange man it seemed. You had not expected him to respond, but you were happy either way. You had been to Corellia before. The wine was fantastic, the people even nicer. To be honest, you actually found it rather odd that he was born on Corellia. Maybe that was where his family was from.

“My father. That was where my father was born.” And once again, Kylo answered the question that was rattling around in your head. The eight of you started into the swamps, the water and muck rising to your knees; causing your trek to become unbearably slow. It seemed as though the Rebellion as well as the Jedi were looking for vegetation of some kind. What else would they be wanting on this kind of planet? Aside from people that is. It did not detract from the fact that it was hot as Mustafar on this planet. 

Slowly, the eight of you continued on through the swampy waters. You trudged on, a blaster that Ek’Way had handed you on the shuttle slung over your shoulder. After walking for what seemed like hours, your group found a relatively dry area; elevated above the soggy perimeter. The already dim light from the jungle canopy started to fade, indicating it was time to set up camp. Ek’Way, being the largest, had carried the tents. He dropped them all which gave everyone the opportunity to start. 

The work was quiet, everyone seemingly intensely focused on their own jobs. Without eating or saying another word to one another, the six of the Knights slipped into their tents. Kylo stood outside of his, staring at you.

“Goodnight.” You said, cracking a smile in his direction. You had found out one more piece of the mystery that was Kylo Ren that day. Perhaps you would find out more later.

~’~

_Warm. It was so warm. Yet it was not uncomfortable. It reminded you of home, of the perfect parts of your childhood, of your memories. Images started to appear before you; human in form. You blinked your eyes harder until you could finally see what was before you._

_It was Hux. But he was not in his uniform. It was casual clothing, a white button down; his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His usually slicked back hair was ruffled, a large smile on his face. It was strange. But you did not mind it as you walked up to him. His pants were baggier than normal, the ends tucked into old brown boots. When you stood before him, his hand reached up and pressed against your collar bone. When you glanced down, you saw that his dog tags had gotten stuck on a part of your shirt. He fixed it and watched it fall to its normal place._

_He opened his mouth and at first, no sound came out. But you simply waited. It was like watching an old holovid, the audio just having to catch up with the video. “You are such a mess.” It was said without malice. But you did not understand._

_“What do you mean?” You laughed. “I have only known you for a couple of days.” You wanted him to respond, to get an answer. But your arm was tugged from behind you. You turned and found Kylo standing there. His hair was slightly longer, brushing past both his shoulders. He was the happiest you had ever seen him. It looked good, a smile on his face. It seemed appropriate, as though it were supposed to be there at all times. “And what are you doing here?”_

_There was not even an attempt to answer you. He just smiled and tugged you along. The echo of Hux’s footsteps following you and a similarly dressed Kylo bounced in your ears. Finally, the three of you made your way out of the thick woods. You came out and wanted to turn around right away. You were at the Rebellion’s base. It was the exact same way as you remembered. “What are you two doing? Do you want to get yourselves killed?” You started to tug backwards on Kylo’s hand, wanting to run. It was not that you were afraid of getting killed by the Rebellion. It was more that you did not want to see a certain two individuals. The thought made your stomach drop. That, and you wanted to keep the two of them, Kylo and Hux, safe from the Rebels._

_What happened next actually caused you to stop, Kylo then dragging you behind him. Both Leia and Poe walked out from the actual base. Large smiles spread across their faces as they walked over to your little trio._

_“We have to go!” You yelled. However, all four of them looked unfazed. They simply walked up and started to hug one another. Leia and Kylo grasped each other, an intimacy that was so familial that it hurt you; you had to turn away. And you turned right into Poe’s arms. He squeezed._

_It all burned your chest. It was wrong, but it felt so comfortable, so warm. You did not want it to end. You wanted it to end. There was pain. There was love. A family. Your family of Leia and Poe. But there was your new family, your new relationships of Kylo and Hux. To see them all together was so loving, so amazing. They smiled at one another and you wanted to cry._

_Once again, their voices were slowed, like seeing it all through water. It was Poe who spoke this time, causing the other three to turn to you. “Dry your tears kid. No need to cry.” So you were crying. It was all so emotional. The family. Oh the family you wished you had. How wonderful would it be if you could be with Leia and Poe once again? Perhaps your mother was somewhere around the corner?_

_Kylo moved. His large hand came to settle on your cheek, your actual cheek. His skin was not as warm as Hux’s, but still not cold. It felt like bath water that had been sitting for a couple of minutes, like warm caf. Slowed, delayed, “You are home.” His hand slipped from your cheek. Hux took his place. But he placed both is hands on your jaw, holding you so you looked into his shocking green eyes._

_”Darling.” He said, brushing your hair back from your face. His thumbs brushed the tears that slipped down the side of your face. “I do not wish to see you cry, to see you in pain.” His face got closer to yours. This time, your skin did not heat up. It felt natural, like you had been wanting him to do this for a long time. “You have a purpose. We need you here.” Your eye produced more tears at his words. All the while, he pressed his lips against yours. Embarrassment from his mouth touching the metal part of your lip flew into your mind. You were expecting him to reel back at the feeling, but he simply pressed his mouth harder against yours. It felt smooth, Hux’s lips. That tantalizing heat of his body wrapped around yours when his arms slipped around your waist. Not wanting to be alone, not wanting to be released from his hold, you put your arms around his shoulders. While the two of you continued to kiss, your metal hands slipped into his hair. Once again, you thought of speaking to Garrison. The actual feeling of his hair was silky without all that product to keep it in place. You wished for that moment to last forever, to feel wanted and loved; to have a purpose._

Your eyes flew open, sweat dripping from every part of your skin. Reality came crashing down upon you like a ton of steel. A very large part of you wished that were true. You would not have to deal with the pain of this strange dream hangover. 

But you were on that shitty swamp planet. It was wet, everywhere. And you hated it. Before you even turned around, you could feel eyes boring into your back. “I did not know I was so entertaining why I was asleep.”

“Your dreams…” Kylo did not finish his thought so you rolled over. He was hunched over in your tent, far closer than you first realized. Just like in your dream, he was warm, but not as much as Hux. His hair was back to its regular length as he partially hovered over your form. The two of you stared at each other, the sweat still trickling off of your temple. He did not seem very bothered by any of it. Kylo’s eyes were simply hooked onto yours. And they slowly grew closer. He lowered his face, about to brush his lips to yours, but Ek’Way throwing back the flap of your tent stopped him. The large man did not even seemp perturbed by what he barged in on. It made you wonder about the sexual experiences of all the knights. They did not seem all that bothered by how they kept finding the two of you. “Ek’Way.” Kylo’s voice betrayed nothing. He simply titled his head at the giant man as he crouched above you. 

“Everyone is awake. We are waiting for your orders.” There was a moment of silence, Kylo obviously pondering and thinking about his options. He finally stood from above you. 

“We will take down camp and send some people out to scout. We are still looking for possible allies and followers of the Order. That and for Skywalker and the girl.” Kylo said, going into full “master” mode. Without a second glance in your direction he exited the tent. It gave you the chance to fully process what had happened as you got ready for the day.

~’~

You had to admit, you were still rather confused. Affection was a foreign concept to you. So many years left alone distorted your view of people’s intentions towards you. That’s why when Kylo was speaking to one of the knights who had short cropped hair, you slipped towards the edge of the clearing. Ek’Way stopped you before you could get any further.

“Where are you going?” He asked, his large hand wrapped around your upper arm.

“I need to take a walk.” The grip did not loosen. “I need to take a walk to do some… Lady things.” He let go of your arm as though it were burning him. With that you slipped away, no one seeing where you were going. Your mind buzzed as you trudged through the mud and water. 

As a living being, you had your sexual attraction. Both the general and Kylo were very attractive, there was no getting around that. They were kind, at least to you, as well. But why was that? Why were they the way they were? What did they want from you? It was a high probability that they wanted to have sex with you. The general obviously found you attractive in some form or fashion. He had called you “enchanted” on multiple occasions. You did not know what he saw. You were practically a robot, a droid. 

And then there was Kylo. He was far more physical with his affections, expressing his interest in you through touches. Even if you had not had such touches in quite some time, you could still find it enjoyable; that someone had such an intense interest that they could not keep their hands to themselves. 

It was all, it was all just so much. It overrode your senses.

So much so that you did not notice the young woman in front of you. You ran into her with a crash, the two of you both ending on your asses in the muck. Even though you did have metal limbs, you did not like getting wet. You were thankful not wearing any distinguishing marks from the First Order considering who the girl in front of you was. Before you could glance up or get up, there was a strange noise. A glowing blue light hovered in front of your face, the heat from the plasma flushing your face.

“Who are you?” Her accent reminded you of Hux, yet had the slightest different twinge to it. Her hair, when you finally looked at her, was brown; hanging down to her shoulders. She wore grey colored clothing that seemed a lot lighter than it really was. You were slightly jealous by that. 

“Who are YOU?” It probably was not the best time to be cracking jokes, but she really did not look as though she was about to kill you. There was something about her face, the way it was settled, screamed “I’m NOT a killer.” 

“Rey.” The girl answered. It seemed as though everyone around you was a wealth spring of surprises since she did not put her lightsaber away. 

A lightsaber. 

…

…

…

Could this be the scavenger girl that Kylo was hunting? He had stupidly not given you a description of her. But she was a Jedi, from what you could tell. It had to be her. And stupid, stupid Kylo was nowhere near you, even though that was partially your fault. You were still mad at him. “Who are you? Are you a native?” Rey asked once again. You knew that you would have to handle this carefully. There was no need to dig your own grave in this situation. That seemed slightly pointless considering you just found the girl the First Order was looking for. It had to mean this elusive Skywalker was nearby.

“No. But I am lost. I lost my group. Do you think you could help me find them?” You asked, slowly getting up. She zoned out in a way that was reminiscent to Kylo. Her eyes had this glazy look to them for a few moments before she finally answered you. It seemed as though an entirely new person was speaking to you. 

With a smile, “Sure. Follow me. My friend can probably help you much better than I can. I don’t think I quite caught your name.” 

As you followed her though the muck, giving your name to her, you could not help but smile. 

“Well, I am sure we can find your friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May the Fourth be with you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got no excuse other than college, life, and my mental health going straight down the shitter.

The two of you walked through the swampy land, your boots sucking into the ground. She was light on her feet in front of you. It was annoying, grating on your head. Rey had to be well liked by the people around her considering how plucky and pretty she was. If you had to guess, she couldn’t be more than 19 years old. Everything about her infuriated you so far. But perhaps it was jealousy that you were feeling. She had all her limbs, she was liked and wanted. You? You were a wanderer, an amalgamation of parts and hatred for life. Everything you ever wanted was walking in front of you through the swamps of this backwater planet. 

“It’s just up ahead.” She said with a smile over her shoulder. Rey pushed some branches out of the way right as the ground started to dry up. It was a small area of land that was higher than the rest; giving it that reprieve from the water. The first thing that you noticed was that there were far more people in this Alliance camp than you were expecting. How were you and the Knights going to fight all of them? The only way you could expect to take them down was by surprise. Perhaps that was what they were planning to do? But of course you wouldn’t know. You ended up walking right into the enemy. “Here we are. Follow me.” She said, walking further into the camp. As you went, you started to realize the chance of someone recognizing you was actually rather high. Even with the majority of your body replaced by bionic parts, your face was still recognizable. This was actually a really bad idea, you thought. There was not really a way to duck behind Rey. She was tiny compared to you. So all you could do was quickly follow after her and hope that she would duck into a tent. 

Finally, she did just that. It was spacious, enough room to stand up in and move around. There were a couple people in there. Thankfully for you, there were none that you were familiar with. She walked right over to a male, you following after her; trying to look inconspicuous with the large pulse rifle on your back. The guy was quite beautiful with his dark skin and piercing eyes.

“Hey Finn.” When he smiled at Rey, it was beaming. You knew it. You had called it on your walk to her camp. She was loved and adored by everyone. He looked like he would walk a million miles for her. It caused your stomach to turn and your heart to clinch. “We need your help.”

Finn looked around her to you when she said the word ‘we’. There it was again, that feeling as though he would know who you were; that you were a wolf in sheep’s clothing. But it quickly vanished when he stood and wrapped an arm around Rey’s shoulder.

“The names Finn.” You responded with yours. “What can we do for ya’?” All you did was watch the interactions between the two, your mind drifting to Hux and Kylo and how you interacted with them. Compared to Finn and Rey, it was jerky and uncomfortable. They flowed like water; the three of you flew like muck in the damn swamp forty feet away.

“When I was scouting, we ran into each other. She lost her group and I was thinking we could help her find them since we are so kind.” Rey fluttered her eyelashes in a teasing manner, causing Finn to laugh at her little gesture. You wanted out. You wanted out so much that it hurt. But the mission was stuck in your head. There was some way that you had to stall and hope that the Knights would find you. So you followed suit and let out a quiet laugh.

“Well, when did you last see them?” Finn questioned. He pulled out a map and started to look at it while waiting for your reply. Bullshit, you thought, answering with a lie quickly. Three hours ago sounded right. He blinked and looked up for a second before glancing back down. “Any idea where? That would be of use as well.” It did not sound chastising or angry. The Alliance had not changed one bit since you were with them. They cared for each other, had each other’s backs. Well, they changed a bit it seemed. 

That’s when it hit you. It was extremely likely that Poe was in this camp. Your identity would be given away immediately if he saw you. “You could just give me someone to help me scout, right now if possible. There is no need to send an entire party. I just really need to get back.” They both looked up at you, confusion and a bit of surprise written on their faces. They had not expected you to be so adamant about getting back out there, considering you had just been lost. 

Rey was the first to shake off the confused look, which was cause for concern for you. You had not remembered Finn being with the Alliance, and they picked up people from everywhere. He could have been a First Order sympathizer as of just recently. However, you weren’t able to find out since Rey started to pull you out of the tent. Finn was right behind the two of you. She was tugging you to the biggest tent out of all of them. In the back of your mind, you were praying to whatever god that would listen that Poe and Leia were planet side. There was no telling what they would do to you. Thirty feet left, Finn glanced over at you. There was still a little bit of confusion, but it was mostly gone.

“I like all your,” He motioned towards your bionics; unsure of what to call them.

“Thank you.” It was the only reply you could think of. And you wanted to keep it short considering you were close to the tent. Your heart was going a hundred miles a minute as Rey pushed back the curtains. Glancing around immediately, you saw only three people in the room; thankfully none of them Poe and Leia. However, there was one that was cause for concern. Something about him was off. In what way, you were unsure. But he made your back tingle, the hairs on your neck stand up. He was wearing a light cream colored cloak, the hood was pulled back and the front open; exposing other robes. Greying facial hair covered the front of his chin; the same could be said about his hair. He was staring down at a large table that was covered in dozens of documents. All were in a language that you could not understand. 

Rey jogged straight up to him. “Luke!” She said excitedly… And your stomach dropped. It couldn’t be. There was no way that this was who you thought it was. If it was, you were more than screwed. He did not look up at first; but when he did, he did not look at Rey. His sky blue eyes went straight to your form. It was as though he was staring straight into your mind, pulling back all the barriers and looking at your weakest points. For a moment, you thought you were in the clear.

That quickly changed when you went flying backwards through the front of the tent. Your prosthetics broke most of your fall as you rolled down the middle of the camp; causing nearly all the eyes to glue to your form. You could hear Rey and Finn both shout as the three of them came outside of the tent. There was another gust that shot you backwards further, nearly past the tree line.

“Luke?! What are you doing?!” Rey shouted. She obviously did not have enough control over the Force yet to understand. When you looked up, you caught the tail end of Luke putting his hand back down to his side.

“Rey, Finn, do you not see who she is?” He asked. His voice was far lighter than you thought it would be. There was a ring to it as though it had not been used in years. Pushing yourself up, you saw that they were staring at you. “The dog tags that she is wearing.” Your metal hand grabbed them to cover up the names as though they could see them from where they were standing. Luke obviously could.

“Aren’t they hers?” Finn asked. That same look form earlier passed over him. He was putting pieces together faster than Rey was.

“Armitage Hux.” Finn’s face fell while Rey just looked befuddled. 

“Hux?” Finn asked. Luke simply nodded. “I don’t understand. Hux… he never… but why would someone else be wearing them? Who is she?” There was a frantic air that swirled about him. 

“I-“

“You need to tell me when you are going to walk off on your own.” You froze while pushing yourself up. Kylo stood right behind you, then bent down to grab your arm. As though you weighed nothing he pulled you to your feet; which was saying quite a bit considering the weight the bionics added as well as your large stature. You whipped your head around.

“What are you doing here?” You exclaimed as though walking into the Alliance camp was a part of your plan the entire time. His mask covered his face so you could not see what he looked like in that moment. But you could only guess that he was not amused. He turned away from you and stared at the three of them, his hand already reaching for his lightsaber. You could see that Rey looked furious, as well as Finn. A sad expression passed over Luke; making you wonder what exactly happened between him and Kylo. 

“Go back to the camp.” Kylo said while pushing your chest towards the treeline with his free hand. You nearly exploded at that.

“If you think I am just going to let you push me out of this then you are a fucking fool.” Rey and Finn jumped in surprise. Kylo’s hand pushed again but you slapped it away and spun your pulse rifle to your front. Taking aim, you shot at Rey; but Finn tackled her to the ground. Kylo shot forwards towards Luke and they were off to the races. You watched for a moment as green clashed with red, their lightsabers spitting plasma at one another. However, a bolt from a blaster passing the metal side of your face caused you to turn around. Finn and Rey were balanced and ready to fight. When you ran at them, you saw the other Knights rushing into the camp to fight the other Alliance members. But you could not concern yourself with that. You swung one of your arms back and took aim right at Rey’s cheek. She dodge just in time and swung her staff at your side. However, the metals bounced off each other. Rey was shocked; not expecting you to be that broken and shattered. It gave you an opportunity to land a shot to her side. She flew back and Finn charged in. 

It went on like that for a while, with you finally getting Finn out of the way long enough for you to pin Rey down. You were about to take the first swing at her face when a blaster bolt hit right on the back of your metal knee. It was agonizing, even though it shouldn’t have been. It felt as though your real knee had been shot off. You spun around off of her with your rifle ready to shoot whoever had gotten you. 

But you froze. Poe’s wide eyes were staring at you. It was your worst nightmare, even as he lowered his blaster. You wanted to run screaming, but you were frozen, your body shaking not only from the physical pain; but from the mental pain as well. 

He whispered your name and walked slowly towards you, not to frighten you like the wounded animal you were. But that snapped you out of it. Your body flew into action, or at least the amount of action it could take with your knee shot to hell. You started to crawl away from him. “Wait!” Poe grabbed at your arm only to cause you to scream. His hand flew away before trying to grab you again. You still screamed, but this time your body curled in on itself. He was right there. He was going to kill you. He was going to finish the job. You were going to die and nothing mattered.

“We must get you out of here.” Ek’Way’s calming voice washed over your body. You felt him lift you with more ease that Kylo had. Your eyes snapped open and saw Rey, Finn, and Poe’s surprised face as the hulking man started to carry you away. Yet you could still see everyone still fighting. Kylo, off in the distance, was locking in a battle with Luke. Their lightsabers still dancing off one another.

“No. Ek’Way put me down.” His voice was all that was needed to snap you out of the nightmare. Why was he taking you away from the battle? That was all that you were good for. “Put me down.”

“Master told me to get you away from here.” Your eyes flew to Kylo’s form.

“No put me down! Kylo! Damn you! Fuck you don’t do this to me!” You screamed when the wires in your shot legs burned one another. It nearly caused you to pass out from the pain. “Shit!” And just like that, the fighting was gone from your eyes.

~’~

Hux sighed as he looked over the 1, 327th document that day. It was taxing everything in his body; especially his eyes. Sooner or later I am going to have to get glasses, he groaned to himself. But then there would be nothing he could do about it.

“Docking bay 72-AA has activity.” The monitor to his side beeped. He looked up. That was the Knights docking bay. But Kylo and his group weren’t supposed to be back for another two to three days. Hux flipped the visuals on and watched as their shuttle landed. For a few moments, there was no activity. Finally, the hatch on the front opened. He thought Ren would be the first one out. However, that hulking mass of a man Ek’Way was. 

“What is that…” Hux squinted at the thing he was carrying in his arms. It looked like… 

Hux shot up from his chair and raced out of the room. 


	10. Chapter 10

Luckily for Hux, he did not pass any officer’s or Stormtroopers on the way to the dock. It would have been an embarrassment to see their general sprinting down the hallways looking rather disheveled. He was able to bust through the blaster doors before Ek’Way, the largest of Ren’s Knights, could make it out with her in his arms. She was sweating, her face scrunched up in pain as she gripped her leg in an uncomfortable position. “What happened to her?” Hux questioned, out of breath from the run. Her eyes flicked over to him and the frown only got worse. 

“Shit. Why did you have to see me like this?” She chuckled. Hux watched as the sweat dripped down her face. He then looked at her leg and his eyes widened. Not only was there a giant hole there, the wires flared and sparking; but black sludge was dripping from the fried circuitry. It was intermingled with a red tinge of liquid as well as something clear and viscus. He was not the smartest when it came to bionics, but he knew that was not right. Some people did drip oil when they were injured, but not…not whatever was coming out of her leg.

“Give her to me.” Ek’Way paused. His face was blank for a moment before he tried to push past the General. 

“You are mistaken. I must get her to Garrison.”

But Hux did not move. He simply stretched his arms out and waited for Ek’Way to place her there. Once again, there were a few moments of uncertainty. Perhaps he was still thinking if it would be a good idea. But when he looked at Hux’s angry face, he knew that she would be safe. “You need to get back planet side. Now go!” It surprised the larger man. As gently as he could, he placed ____ into Hux’s awaiting arms. She squirmed and groaned when her leg was jostled. “Put your arms around my neck.” Hux said while turning around. Ek’Way stood and watched for a moment before turning around and heading back onto the shuttle. He knew Kylo would be annoyed that he didn’t stay with her, but he would just tell him the General had her. 

“This is so embarrassing.” She groaned while doing as Hux said. Her dirty and sweating body rested against his clean uniform. It only made her more frustrated with herself. “I cannot believe you are seeing me like this.” Finally, FINALLY, some of her barriers were falling. She whimpered from the pain into his shoulder. That sound made Hux pick up the pace to Garrison’s work shop. He knew the older man was about to go planet side with the rest of the knights. After battles, a lot of them needed checkups on their arms or legs. He had to get her to him before he left. 

“Hold onto me. We are going to get you help.” He rushed down the hallways, not caring this time if anyone saw him. They would get one look at the injured woman in his arms and move out of his way. When he finally came to the medical wing, he practically ran down to his door. Being the General, he had the codes to open the blast doors everywhere, so he was in before Garrison could stand up from his desk. Hux didn’t even have to say anything for Garrison to motion over to the steel bed in the middle of the room. There were tools on a table on one side of it, obviously where Garrison stood when he was working on people. Hux laid her down with the most gentle of movements. Even with all that caution, she still yelped with pain. He heard her groan multiple curse words when she saw the two of them hovering over her.

“What happened General?” Garrison asked as he pulled on a pair of gloves, his eyes not leaving the disgusting sludge that was leaving her leg. It was obvious that he was interested in it; interested meaning he needed to get in their fast or she may lose her leg a second time. Hux’s hand found hers and he gripped it, much to her surprise.

“She was on the planet with the Knights and got shot.” He said with confidence, even though he really had no idea what really happened. He just guessed that was the case considering the wound on her leg. It was the size and shape of a blaster wound; not to mention the fried wires as well. But just like Garrison, he was at a loss on the liquid, if you could call it that, leaving her leg. Garrison’s gloved hand brushed over the area around the wound and she screamed, her back arching off the bed. 

“Hold her down General.” Hux turned and pressed his hands against her shoulders right away. He didn’t want to see her like this, screaming and withering in pain. It upset him and it confused him. Especially as he stared down at her tears stained face. 

“I can’t!” She screamed again. Hux knew it was not very gentlemanly of him, but his hands started to unbutton her shirt so the sweaty thing would be off her. She was burning up and an extra layer of clothes were only going to make her sick. When it was gone, only leaving her in a sports bra, he noticed the tags around her neck. That, that right there made his stomach flutter with happiness. She was wearing his tags, hadn’t taken them off. He didn’t know what it meant but he liked it either way. 

“This is…” Garrison stopped in the middle of his sentence, causing Hux to glance over his shoulder at her leg where the older man was pressing about. She continued to thrash as he cleaned up the wound before he could do anything else. Once most of the black sludge was out of the way, he finally grabbed one of the wrenches at his table. But when he pressed onto one of the bolts to take the bottom half of the leg off, she screamed so loud it nearly blew out Hux’s ear drum. Her body pushed and pushed against his hands to get up and off the table. 

“No! No you can’t!” Hux said. 

“General keep her down!” Hux did all he could think. He threw his chest over hers and his hands came up to grip her sweating face. He pressed his forehead against hers. 

“Come on. I know you can do this.” He whispered. Her panting did not subside, but she wasn’t thrashing as hard anymore. Hux watched in shock as she actually started to cry. Blood dripped from her lip when she bit it so hard. “Come on.” He bit out. Everything came down to a single point for him. It was all right in front of him, underneath him on the table. The confusion that wracked through his body was nothing he had ever experienced before in his life. Why did he care for this strange woman so much? She had swallowed up his entire life. The entire time she had been gone with the knights, she was all he could think about. When he saw her on the video cam, so injured and beaten up; he felt frantic fear. And now here he was, wanting nothing more in the galaxy then for her to be healed, for her not to be in so much pain. 

He cupped her cheeks and rubbed some of the tears away with his thumb. “Come on.” It was a whisper this time. She seemed to be calming down, still crying quietly. When he heard a grumbling sigh, he glanced back. Somehow, Garrison had gotten the bottom of her leg off. He ended up capping it right above the knee so nothing else could come out of it.

“Everything should be good for now.” Garrison grumbled. He picked up the leg that had been tossed onto the floor and looked at where the blaster wound had been. The black viscus material had dried on the edges. Neither of the men, nor the still conscious woman on the table knew what it was. But Garrison seemed to have an idea.

“Please.” She whimpered, her hand reaching out and grabbing Hux’s jacket. He looked back and helped her up into a sitting position; marveling at how she could still move so much, even through all the bizarre events. “Please tell me what’s going on. I am so confused. You must know.” She had to lean against Hux’s chest to stay upright. To keep her like that, Hux wrapped his arms around her shoulder; catching the mechanics attention. 

Garrison put the leg down at the end of the metal bed, right out of her reach. “It’s just a theory, I will have to look at it more when I get back, but I believe that you bionics have… let us say attached themselves to your body.” The silence in the room that followed that was heavy, nearly palpable. Both Hux and ____ sat there in confusion. “Perhaps it would be better to use the words evolved? Grown with your body?” 

He couldn’t be serious. He had to be joking with her. What in the shit did he mean evolved? Prosthetics didn’t do that. Metal and bionics didn’t just grow into organic material. Or at least for her, it was unheard of. These things didn’t just happen.

“But I can’t give you a definitive answer right now. I know you had to keep up with your own body for a while, so you can check some of it out. But for now, you can’t be doing anything extraneous while I am gone.” The older man said, turning with the metal piece in his hands. He walked over to a case and placed it in before turning back around to face Hux and _____; the two of them still leaning against each other. While putting the rest of his equipment into his bag, he glanced up at Hux who was picking her up into his arms. “And General, just some advice.” Hux stopped by the door. Her head had lulled against his chest in a fitful sleep. “You should try to keep your feelings a bit more in check.”

~’~

“General Organa.” Poe said as he walked up to the older woman. Rey and Finn were behind them, both frazzled from the previous fight. Luke had taken an injury to his arm, but nothing serious. He was in the medical wing while the younger three headed to the General’s office upon the main shuttle. They still had D’Qar as their base, but Leia had decided to go with the others on this mission. She said she felt something; like she should be with them. And boy was she right. She looked up when Poe stood in front of her desk.

“Oh, you three. I didn’t think you would be back so soon.” She said with a smile while shuffling through some paper. Poe frowned.

“I saw her.” Right away, Leia froze. She knew exactly who he was talking about. For so long, for so many years, Leia regretted the decision that she made. And for so many years, she thought she killed the closest thing she would ever have to a daughter. “She was with the Knights…and with your son.” Leia’s stomach dropped like a ton of lead. On one hand, she was happy she was still alive, that she hadn’t killed her. But on the other…with her son. With Ben. That could only mean one thing

“She had the dog tags of General Hux.” Finn interjected. Leia knew it. She knew it right when Poe said she was with Ben. The First Order had gotten her and she turned sides. Ever since they found her, she had been a free spirit, only wanting to fly for something she loved. It must have broken her when Leia said she was discharged from the Alliance. To lose such a pivotal part of oneself; Leia’s stomach clenched, thinking about Han. It… it hurt. So obviously, _____ had found what she needed with the General. That didn’t mean anything to Leia though.

“She is still the same person we knew from before.” Leia said with anger in her voice. She stood from her desk with her hand slapped onto the surface. The three of them jumped back slightly, surprised she would have such a reaction. “We have to get her back.” All three of them glanced at each other with doubt written across their faces. It pained Poe, but the chances of them getting her back onto their side were slim at best. If she was close enough to General Hux to be wearing his dog tags, she may already be too far gone. But the fact that General Organa seemed so sure of herself made Poe doubt his thoughts. Leia had been right in the past on so many things. Maybe they could get her back? Maybe she was redeemable? Their only obstacles were Kylo Ren and General Hux. He snorted, Rey and Finn looking at him. Right, “only obstacles”. More like they had to fight off Starkiller base, but this time with their hand tied behind their back. Those two were the spear head of the entire First Order. Leia looked at Poe who was still lost in thought. “If anyone can do it, it would be you Poe.” 

That look she had given him back on the planet made him think otherwise. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but people are realizing some things.

The fight against the Resistance members had been exhausting for the knights. Sure they were well trained, but that did not always count when they were outnumbered; which they were about 5 to 1. Most of them fared rather well, that is, until Ek’ Way had to get ____ off the battle field. As one of their main fighters, having him gone left a large hole in their offense. There was also the fact that Kylo had been distracted the entire time he was battling Luke Skywalker. His mind was gone, up on the Star Destroyer with her, with her bleeding and screaming. He could feel it in the Force, her terror and fear. She was afraid, she was afraid for the first time since he met her. She was afraid that she was going to die. There was a part of him that was horribly worried about her; about her physical state since he could not see the extent of her wounds. But there was also a part of him that loved the fact she did not want to die. He knew why. He cared for her and did not want to see her go. As dense as he seemed socially, he had seen it multiple times growing up between his mother and Han. He saw how they held each other, how they spoke to each other on good days. 

The time Kylo spent with her, the strange time, he already knew he felt something. Whether it was her strange outlook on life, or her one focus mind; he did not know. But when he saw her screaming and crying in the muck of the swamp with the blaster wound on her leg, something snapped in him. It was horrible, seeing her like that. He wanted nothing more than for her to be alright. So he had spun around to Ek’Way and told him to get her to the Star Destroyer. She couldn’t be on the planet any longer. When they got back to their camp, Ek’Way was waiting there. He had a stern look on his face. All were thinking of the question, but Kylo asked it. “Is she alright?” No need to beat around the bush. Ek’Way, Kylo thanked the stars, nodded. But his face was still turned down. With a flick of his hand, Kylo had the knights disperse to do things amongst themselves. He walked up to Ek’Way and looked right into the man’s eyes. “What happened?” It was obvious that he did not want to tell Kylo. However, as his master, Ek’Way sighed and motioned his head away from the camp. Once they were far enough away, he finally spoke up.

“The General was there when I landed.” 

Kylo’s face went blank. He did not exactly understand what he was saying. There when he landed? What would that matter? “He told me to give her to him. I had to come back here to make sure you all were ok, that you were ok. She will be safe with him though.” Once again, Kylo was silent. His eyes were boring into the taller man. For a few moments, Ek’Way really thought that Kylo was going to kill him. He had been very emotional, well, more emotional since she joined them. Something that Ek’Way noticed was how protective Kylo was of her. Wherever she walked, when Kylo was with her, he would be her shadow. His body was always right by hers. Even when the General was near, speaking directly to her and no one else; he would be hovering over her like a dark cloud. The intrusion of the General didn’t seem like something Kylo would very much enjoy. To Ek’Way’s surprise, Kylo took his helmet off with a click. He placed it down on the ground beside his feet and shook his sweaty hair. With the helmet off, he kept his head down, not meeting Ek’Way’s eyes which was rather normal for his master. The man didn’t exactly like looking at people directly when speaking to them without his helmet. The only people he had seen Kylo talk to with direct eye contact was, well, it was the General and ____. Ek’Way watched Kylo’s hand rub over his eyes, getting blood on his skin. 

“It cannot be helped then.” He muttered. “Please leave me. I wish to meditate.” Just like that, Kylo was left alone again. It was right by a small stream of water, barely making it through the muck of mud and mold. He found it apt. He had been barely making it through is life for so long. All along, there had been this part of him that just wanted to go back, to go back home and to live a life as Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren. Alas, when he killed Han, that part of him hid away. He knew it was still there, but it was pushed back so hard by Kylo Ren that he barely knew if he would ever see Ben Solo again. 

Ben would love her. He would love her and hold her. He would treat her well and nod pull her out into a battle unless she wanted to. That was what she deserved after so long and what she went through. Ben was gone though, gone and hidden away; afraid of what Kylo had become. The monster had taken control of the boy. 

He was not Ben. He was Kylo Ren. There was still that attraction; but a lot of this was physical. She was gorgeous, the mechanical parts only heightening her beauty. Then she was an incredible fighter. Kylo, he was unsure if he had a mental attraction to her as well. He thought he did, but it was rather fuzzy. There was at least a bit of something there since he could still feel her on the Star Destroyer; and he was worried. Both Kylo and Ben wished she was either here with them, or he was there with her. The mission on the dumb planet was beginning to feel less and less important by the second. 

~’~

Hux, somehow, did not run into any officers on his way back. With her in his arms, he really did not want to explain what he was doing, even if she was injured. Mainly because he was not planning on going to her room. He went straight to his quarters. He had an ocular scan so he did not have to shift her and put more stress on any of her body. With the blaster door open he walked straight to his bed. Setting her down was the big problem. Her metal arms twitched, both sides of her face twisting in pain.

“Shit.” She breathed. Finally, he had her down. Hux then walked further towards the end of the bed and grabbed her legs gently. He felt the tension within her body. 

“I am going to move your legs out. We don’t want them scrunched up. I don’t know what would happen if that sludge got backed up.” He knew that she agreed since her face and body relaxed. With a couple of winces on her part, he was able to get both her legs out straight. It did not help were her sweating though. Even her eyes were still wet from the pain she was experiencing. It was horrible. He hated it, seeing her like this. 

“Hux.” She grumbled out. Her mouth, metal and skin, was rimmed with dry bile and saliva. He turned and went to his personal bathing quarters to get a wet rag. Walking back, he sat down on the bed next to her. With one hand, he brushed away her sweating bangs. With the other, he wiped away at the material. It caused the metal to glisten with the water, but she was clean either way. “I’m… I am scared.” She whimpered this time. Hux’s green eyes caught the tears that slipped from hers. This in itself scared him. For the first time since he met her, she was fearing for her own life. All that time, she did not care if she lost it, if she ended up dying in the field. But now, as she lay sweating and shaking on his bed; she gave him eyes pleading to save her. This was the face of a woman that did not want to die. And he did not want her to die. He realized, as Garrison had been taking her leg off, that he loved her. What to do with those emotions was a whole other thing. Right now, she needed comfort and help. 

Hux brushed away some of the tears that dripped form her eye. “Shh. I am right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He lied. He had no idea what was going to happen. Really, he was lying to the both of them for he yearned for her to be ok at the end of all this. The thought of losing her now terrified him. “You are going to be ok.”

“It hurts so much.” He felt her robotic hand grip at his jacket. She really did not have enough energy to do much else. Hux was going to say something else, but his comm beeped. Quickly pulling it out, he saw that he was needed on the bridge. There was no doubt in his mind that he just wanted to stay here with her. She needed him. She needed him and he thought that someone else could take over the bridge for a while. He had to be here with her. But when another beep came from the small metal box, he sighed with a frown. She did not seem to realize what was going on. But when he started to stand up, her eyes flew open. Her hand gripped harder on his jacket. “Please don’t go Hux.” He turned back to gently unclasp her fingers. “Armitage.” It was a whisper, barely more than a breeze in the room. He had heard it though. Of course she knew his name, it was on his tags after all. No one used it though. There had been a few times that Kylo used it in jest and anger. This was passion and hurt and pleading. When he turned to see her eyes full of tears; his heart nearly told him to stay. He had to go though. So he pressed her hand back to her chest. With a quick turn, he went and got her a glass of water which he set on the bedside table. “I don’t want you to go.” 

“I will be back soon.” He gave her his own whisper. There was fear in her face, but also trust. She knew that he had duties to go back to. With a whimper, she let him go. But he did not move away. His hands cupped her cheeks, brushing the tears away once again. Right when she was on the brink of falling asleep, he pressed his lips to hers. Then he turned and left the room. She was glad. He wouldn’t see her sobbing; sobbing over the fact that yes she could feel the heat of his mouth on her metal bottom lip, but she could not feel the silkiness of his skin. And never would be able to. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing characters that are a bit more introspective so I enjoyed this chapter. And because I am just like this, I have some ideas for a new fic... because I have literally no self control at all.

The Knights of Ren returned rather quickly. They were not hurt per-se, but they were exhausted. Kylo was the only one to have gotten an injury in the entire fight. But alas, he had been battling Luke himself. The injury only caused the knights to respect their leader more and more because of it. Kylo wanted to get back to the star destroyer though. A part of it was strategic; however he wanted to get back to her quicker, his concern taking up the logical part of his mind. 

Right when they landed, he headed towards the bridge where Hux would be. The red head had taken her somewhere and Kylo needed to know where. So the Knights headed to the training room where they spent nearly all their time on The Finalizer. Kylo ran off to the bridge, a purpose in each of his long strides. His all-encompassing access to each room on the star destroyer immediately let him in. It was busy, as it always was. Kylo saw that squirrelly man, Mitaka was his name? Then the General himself turned from the window at the front of the bridge. His green eyes zeroed in on Kylo’s form, the helmet covering his own angry face. They both were probably feeling the same way, at least half way. Both were concerned for her, worried about how much pain she was in; both physically and mentally. Kylo’s large body moved quickly down the cat walk. On both sides, men and women glanced up with wary eyes. Having seen Kylo fly off the handle before, they knew the signs of an outbreak. Many thought they were lucky ever since Kylo had come back from training with his master. He seemed far more docile, calm. That did not mean they were about to witness one of the rare explosions since he came back. They knew the signs. 

“Where is she?” Kylo asked in a hushed voice. Hux glanced over through the corner of his eyes at the angry man standing beside him. Kylo’s chest was slightly puffed out; the obvious tension having built in his body. Hux had seen it all before. He was not afraid. It was just more annoyed than anything else. But he knew what she would want. She knew that she would be bothered with him if he were to keep Kylo away from her. So he sighed and turned completely towards the black haired male. 

With a hushed voice he answered him. “In my personal quarters.” Without another word, Kylo turned away from Hux and stomped out of the room. Hux just sighed as he watched him leave. Kylo on the other hand, felt a pang of jealousy and anger in his body; along with the guilt of her injury stacking up inside of him. In Hux’s quarters. Why? Why not take her to the med bay? Why not just take her to where there would be doctors and droids that could help her more efficiently than having her locked away in his room? He knew why though. As much as he hated it he knew why. Hux cared for her. And she cared for Hux. Why, he didn’t quite know. But he could not sway either of their feelings so he would just have to live with it. 

Once he got to his and Hux’s wing, he headed straight towards the room. His finger print gave him immediate access; allowing the door to fly open. His first thought is that Hux lied to him. But then he heard the sound of her fitful sleeping. His eyes zeroed in on her and he nearly broke down; nearly activated his lightsaber to destroy everything in the room. His heart pounded in his chest walking towards the bed. She looked horrible, like someone had bitten in to her body and thrashed her about. He saw her leg and nearly cried. There was this horrendous black sludge that was dripping out of the prosthetic; staining the bed sheets it sat upon. Her skin was pale, almost paler than Hux’s skin. Kylo saw the sweat dripping from her forehead. He stepped up closer to the bed and his gloved hand reached out; but stopped short. He was the one that did this to her. He brought her along with the Knights. She could have been safe here with Hux, here on The Finalizer. She would tell him to suck it up, that she wanted to come along and fight by his side. But he felt so differently than that. 

His selfishness could kill her, could cause her to lose her leg and perhaps so much more. As much as he wanted to continue to be selfish and sit with her, to brush the wet of her hair away from her face, he didn’t. He quickly exited the room, not wanting to look at her and feel the bite of her condition. Perhaps that in itself was just as selfish. He felt like it wouldn’t be selfish for her. Would she be mad when she woke up? To know that Kylo was back on the ship and he had not come to her side? Or would she be relieved? That he was gone from her life in that moment? She had to have blamed him for what happened. There was no going around it in his mind. What was selfish and what wasn’t was crossing and intermingling in his mind that had gone into hyper drive. The only clear thought in his mind was getting out of that room as fast as he could before she woke up. 

~’~

“How are you feeling?” Hux’s voice sounded off from the other side of the room. She didn’t even know that she had been awake. Apparently her eyes had been open though. With quite a bit of effort, she pushed herself into a sitting position. Her arms quivered slightly from the exertion of it all. Across the room, she saw Hux sitting at a desk he had in his quarters. He was already looking back down again at whatever he was working on. To her surprise, he was using paper and pen. She and her mother used it quite often growing up considering they did not have enough credits to pay for anything else. But it seemed so antiquated for the First Order; especially for the General. Either way, she sighed and rubbed her eyes, the exhaustion of all that had happened kicking in. That was one of the reasons why she hated crying; it kicked her ass big time. 

“I know it is asking a lot of you but could you help me over there.” She said, pointing at the sitting area. Like he had been waiting for it, Hux shot up and was at the bed side in a flash. His long arms helped her slide her one leg out of the bed. In the process of doing so, she noticed the black stain on the bed from where he leg had been. A flush pulled up to her cheek. “Sorry about that.” She muttered as he threw her arm over his shoulder, one of his arms wrapping around her waist. He did not even look back, simply looked over to her with a genuine smile.

“As long as you are ok.” The two of them slowly hobbled over to the sitting area where she first told him about her life. It was such a drastic change in events. She never thought it would all turn out this way. Finally, he slowly set her down in one of the chairs. Forgetting about his paper work he had been doing, he sat down beside her; having enough room to do so. His hand rested on her shoulder; already far more comfortable being around her than he had been just two days ago. And she liked his closeness. She did not mind it, yearned for it actually. She was not dumb. Spending some time thinking about it, she knew that she was attracted to these two men. They were the pivotal things in her life. Really, she was just living for them. But it gave her a reason to live, something she did not have in quite some time. “You never answered. How are you doing?” His hand reached up and pressed into her neck. It relaxed the tense muscles there, causing her to let out a little pleased smile. For the first time in a while she felt a smile spread on her face. Her eyes flickered over to him.

“I am… I guess you could say better. To my surprise, it does not hurt as much as it had.”

“That’s good.” He smiled, rubbing back down to her arm. Just like on her legs, she could feel the heat of his hand. It almost felt like she could feel what the texture of the skin felt like. But that thought made her snort. What a novel thing that would be, to have textural feelings in her limbs again. 

“It seems as though Garrison was right.” Hux titled his head in confusion. “I am feeling things through my limbs. Or at least, feeling the heat of things. I can feel the heat of your hand on my arm.” Her words caused his hand to reach down and grab her own. His fingers slipped between hers, causing the blush to deepen on that side of her face. There it was, the heat right in the curve of her fingers. “I…It’s strange.”

He moved his hand so his thumb was rubbing the top of her hand. He marveled at the smooth surface of the metal. “What do you think about it? That you can feel that heat once again?” Her eyes blinked at his question. It sent her mind reeling into a hurricane of thoughts. It seemed like he did that often to her.

“I really do not know what to think. Like I said, strange. But that seems to be the extent of my knowledge about myself. It’s like my mind has just shut off those missing parts of my body for so long, I forgot about what it feels like. To get these sensations back again so suddenly, it is… it is jarring to say the least.” He hummed at her answer, looking rather introspective himself. She knew he had to be considering he was the General of the First Order, but this seemed more intense than usual. It was like he had something to say, something he needed to say to her. “What?” 

“Hm?” He looked up, those green eyes looking into hers. Hux had to be playing the part of being caught off guard. Or at least she thought he was. The more she looked at him, the more she realized he really was just that deep in thought. And then she noticed something else. His hair was not slicked back. It looked wet even. Was he…. Had he just gotten out of the fresher before he called to her? The looked even distracted her some. But with a shake of her head, she got back on track.

“You look like you want to say something to me. What is it?” Might as well come out and get straight to the point. It was the same way with Kylo.

Once again, he hummed. His voice was a strange mixture between deep and light. It was not nearly as deep as Kylo’s, but not light as Poe’s or that guy Finn’s. “Before I came to my quarters, I was in the communication center. I go there daily just to see what comes in. We usually track Resistance pilot’s chatter on their comms.” Her heart beat quickened in her chest. What was that? Why was he telling her this? “We got some messages from Poe Dameron.” It felt like a solid brick dropped in her stomach. “He was communicating with his squad and Leia Organa. They were talking about you.” She glanced away from Hux’s heavy eyes. This was going all wrong. This was all wrong and Hux needed to stop playing around. They should not be talking about her. Sure they saw her with The Knights of Ren. But what does that mean? She was gone from the Resistance, denounced them completely. “They are talking about getting you back.”

“I’m not going to leave you!” Her shout caused both of them to freeze. Her skin nearly went bright red from what she said. It hit her like a truck. When she looked up at Hux, it only hit her harder. His eyes were wide and his body was pushed back slightly. But then something switched in him. His face broke into a tender smile, his hands reaching up to cup her cheeks. It was slow, slow and soft. Her heart was racing a mile a minute when he tilted her face up.

“Thank you.”

“What?” What. What did he mean by thank you?

“Thank you for sharing that with me. But something else is coming to mind.” Once again she was lost. He stood and walked over to his desk. As he walked away, she willed her mind to slow down and think about it all. So they were trying to get back to her, get her back. Leia was sending Poe so she seemed to deem it that important. With The First Order just getting the upper hand again. They needed to keep it that way. And he was thinking…

“I could leave though.” She muttered as he walked back to her. His eyes looked at her, his comm in his hand as he sat down. “If I left, they would follow me. That would also take away Poe, their best pilot. If he was moved away from the Resistance, they would be left wide open. Sure they would still have pilots and ground troops to fight for them; but Poe is practically their mascot.” His eyes were glued to her now. He knew that she had a quick mind, something that attracted him just that much more. It pleased him immensely that she seemed to be doing a bit better; at least well enough to think with some bit of clarity. But something stopped him from smiling.

“I am not going to let you leave alone. I am going to come with you.”

“No you are not. You are the General of The First Order. It will crumble without your guidance. Sure they can go a few hours without you, but not as long as I may be gone.” She paused, ignoring his frown. Her mind rustled through somethings before she looked up again. “Kylo. Kylo could come with me. The Knights are incredible fighters. They can go on without him for some time. The two of us would be strong enough.” She knew Hux did not like the plan. But she also knew that Hux agreed with her. Kylo was immensely powerful. And he did not have as many duties as Hux had. He had the luxury of running off with her need by. It was needed at this point. For her and the Order. He sighed and set his comm down. 

“Let’s get you to Garrison. He is back in his workshop.”

~’~

“Just like I surmised, your biological matter is connecting to the metal.” The three of them looked at Garrison. On the way to his workshop, Kylo had run into the two. He looked ashamed when glancing towards her, but _____ seemed not to notice. Instead, she just smiled at him and asked if he wanted to come with them. Hux and Kylo shared a neutral look, seemingly on a shaky term of agreement for now. 

“I… I still do not think I understand.” Garrison glanced up from her leg to her imploring eyes. He pushed away from the bench on his rolling stool before crossing his arms on his chest.

“Think of it like this. A tree may grow near cement. Its roots have nowhere to go since the cement is encasing it. Even though it is not natural for the tree, the tree knows how to survive. It grows through the smallest of cracks. It has been recorded through history that trees would even grow into the cement. Your cells have nowhere to go just like the roots. Your skin grows new layers so it started to grow into the bionics. They grew and grew until the nerves grew with them. Now your cells are intermingled and grown into the metal that is why you can sense the heat. Sooner or later, you should be able to feel everything once again. Your body is adapting to the metal that it has been connected to for so long, just like the tree and the cement.” She was absolutely stunned. It felt like her jaw was on the ground. The two beside her were the same way. Hux had never heard of such a thing happening. Now he was just that much more interested in her and what she was. “But that comes at a cost. You have to treat your limbs like they are your original ones. Sure you can be able to replace these, but if you don’t want to feel as though you are cutting off your arms and legs, I suggest you protect your body. “

“The only thing exception is your head and neck.” He tapped at the position on his own body. She reached up and put her hand there as well. “Since it is growing into your body and vice versa, I do not think I have to tell you if your neck or head gets destroyed.” She shook at the thought. With a push of his feet, he rolled over to where a spare bottom part of a leg sat on a counter. Grabbing it, he rolled back to where she was. “For now, let us get you set up. Like I said, you gotta take care of these. I will give you the equipment to do tune ups on your limbs since I know you can do it yourself. I just do not want you coming back here with your arms or leg blow off again. And I really don’t want to deal with your stomach at this point.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Peace is a lie, there is only passion._
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> _Through passion, I gain strength._
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> _Through strength, I gain power._
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> _Through power, I gain victory._
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> _Through victory, my chains are broken._
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> _The Force shall free me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo. I'm biased towards the dark side. And if you want to talk, my tumblr is @livesoffcoco.

She sighed while throwing both of her legs over the side of the medical bench; glad that both of them were back on her once again. Before doing so, she and Hux had shared a brief look before he excused himself to go to the bridge. Kylo nearly headed out as well, but she called his name before he could. So he paused while her long legs caught up to him by the door. “Come with me please.” She said while passing him. Never in her life had she ever been so happy to be back on two feet once again. It was like a damn miracle to her. Winding through the hallways, she entered into the training room he and the Knights usually used. They entered and found it empty. “Where are they?” There was genuine curiosity in her voice as she spun around to face him. He was looking off to the side in an awkward manner that made her frown. What was wrong with him?

“Meditating in their own quarters it seems.” Before, he had told her that they share a connection, so he was obviously talking to one of them at least. Either way, she hummed and sighed. Her feet took her over to the large transperisteel window on the other side of the room. It was a complete wall of the material that looked out into the darkness of space. Every once and awhile, The Finalizer would pass by a star or two, even some rocky or watery planets. It was soothing. Having flown through space all those years, all those months; this was so natural to her, even if it did bring back some hard memories. Beside her, Kylo’s large body loomed. It was like a shadow on the brightest of days and darkest of nights; a silver lining wrapping around his edges. Finally after a couple of minutes of the two of them staring out, he turned to her. “What is it?” He asked. There was some hesitation in his voice that still confused her. 

“I will be leaving soon.” This caused a rather strong reaction from him. He grabbed both of her metal shoulders and spun her so she was facing him. There was a shake that slipped in there somewhere, causing her to look up at his wild eyes. 

“What do you mean leaving!” He yelled at her. Her own eyes widened at the outburst before she settled her hands on his wrist. With a tug, they came off her body and settled back down by his side. 

“I am leaving because Poe Dameron, the pilot, is looking for me. They got a transmission from him and General Organa saying that they were going to try and find me, to bring me back to the Alliance.” Kylo’s face had gone blank of emotions. He simply stood there, allowing her to finish what she was saying. “If I leave and put out a message that is easy to decode, saying that “I” am heading out, Poe will follow me. With Poe out of the way, a large part of the Alliance will be out of sorts. He is their mascot, their main face. This will give the First Order a large chunk of time to get vital things accomplished.” She finished with a sigh. It seemed like she was doing that a lot lately, sighing. Probably because there was a lot to release energy about. Kylo always was something like that. He had so much of it that just being around him was tiring. The man stared down at her for a few more moments before glancing back to the window.

“I see. Well, I will go with you.” That caused her to smile. There was not even a need to ask him. Of course he would go with her. Whether or not he saw it in himself, he was a kind man; a gentleman. “I have already told the Knights.” He broke the silence. She nodded in response to his words. “When will we be leaving?”

“I was thinking as soon as possible,” Her metal hand rubbed over her face. Just like Garrison had said and how she had felt, there was heat being transferred over each part of her body. The yellow of her synthetic eye spun, something that occurred quite frequently when her mind raced. Therefore, it happened more than she cared to admit. Her mind was always racing. It was what kept her company all those years alone. If she had not been thinking constantly, the silence of space would have chewed her up and spit her out. It would have been too devastating to face on her own. That was one of the reasons she would be glad to have someone with her on this little voyage. Even if Kylo did not talk to her often, it was better than no one talking to her at all. 

He seemed to agree with leaving early, turning around and heading back outside the training room without another word. Even if she was glad he was coming with her, it didn’t get around the fact he seemed to be so cold and distant with her ever since she left that swamp planet early. What had happened? Did she do something wrong? Was it because she did just that, get injured and had to be taken off the battle field? It did not seem like him to care so greatly about something like that. It was out of place and odd; or at least, from what she had seen of him from the time they met. 

Turning around herself, she decided it was something they could talk about while gallivanting around the system. 

~’~

Once she gathered her meager belongings, which fit into one small bag, she headed towards the dock that held Kylo’s personal ship. It was a large black thing, with stunning sharp lines and angry metal coating. Being someone who could appreciate those things, she found it wanting of nothing. If anything, it was better than her little dingy TIE fighter they had brought to the same docking bay. Kylo had told her it was best it did not get confused with other soldiers TIE fighters which she did not argue about. Even if it was an Imperial age TIE fighter, she did not want to take the chance of someone riding off in it. The controls were similar enough that one would not notice.

Walking into the area, she saw Kylo stomping up the walk-way with his usual heavy steps. Apparently he had not heard her since he did not turn around. That, or he decided to ignore her. It just added to her confusion about the whole situation.

“Ah, I see you are ready.” It was Hux that took her attention away from the black ship. He was walking up to her from the side. His green eyes slipped down to her chest where his dog tags lay before glancing back up. “Kylo is already on board.” She nodded at that; his body stopping before hers with just about a foot or two between them.

Her own eyes flickered down. “I…I wanted to thank you.” 

“Hm?” Hux’s red hair fell to the side as he tilted his head. There was something about his face, as she looked back up at him. He seemed to be, well, he seemed to be happier; lighter. Was it because she was leaving? There were so many emotions rushing through her. First with Kylo and now with Hux. It scared her, but also grated on her damn nerves. What was with these two? “Thank me for what?”

“Giving me the chance I guess.” It was not what she wanted to thank him for, but she did not want to be there with him any longer. Already having to deal with Kylo was enough. So instead of saying anything else, she simply turned and walked towards the shuttle. Hux shouted something at her, but she just ignored him while walking up the path. With a toss, she threw her bag onto one of the benches before turning to the cockpit. There, Kylo was waiting with his hand on the switch. He was going to get out of the bay first before heading into hyper drive, from what she could tell. Of course it was a good idea. What knuckle head would hop into hyper drive from the docking bay?

“You ready?”

“Get me out of here.” Her angry response gave him pause before he did just that. She did not even look at Hux’s frown as their shuttle exited the docking bay. Without much time at all, the two of them were warping through space. 

~’~

This silence. She remembered it like an old lover, perhaps a long lost relative. The echoes bounced off her body within the cockpit. Like waves of an ocean, they dripped around Kylo, his profile and his strong body. It gave her time look at him. While they were in hyper drive, she sent a message to Hux, as much as she did not want to. It explained her situation and the intentions of where she was going to head to. With it blasted loud enough for the Alliance to hear, Poe would no doubt be heading after them in no time. So all they had to do now was fly around like leaves in an ocean. 

Kylo felt her eyes on the side of his face. It was always a bizarre sensation. Sure he had droids look at him before. And of course there were human gazes that landed upon him. But, he did not believe he ever had a cyborgs eyes on him. The sensation of having one synthetic eye upon another was… was not unwelcome, but surely not normal; which surprised him. He thought there would be far more of them within the military. Or even the knights. They fought hundreds upon thousands of battles together. The chance of someone being mortally injured like she had been was higher than most. It made him smile. His unit was stronger than he first imagined. “What are you smiling about?” Her voice was quiet, not startling him in the recently broken silence. 

From the corner of his dark eyes, he glanced at her. The smile that he had on his face lessened slightly. “I was thinking of my knights.” She buzzed at his answer, a low noise coming from the back of her throat; closer to the mechanical area. Without pressing any further, she continued to stare at his form. 

“Why have you been distant with me since I was injured?” That question threw him off though. It made him frown. It was not something he exactly wanted to answer in all honesty. He scratched the back of his head while flicking the shuttle into autopilot, the coordinates already placed into its system. One of those large hands rubbed the sleep from his tired eyes. “Why?”

“I failed you.”

…

…

…

“Failed me?”

“I failed you. I threw you into a fight that you perhaps were not suited for. You were injured because of me. If I never brought you down with me, none of that would have happened. You-“

“Shut up you fool.” Kylo went silent. She guessed that no one had ever spoken to him like she just did. But it was needed. He was being a fool and needed to know that. This time, his head spun to look at her and saw the scowl on her face. It looked as though even the metal side of her face was frowning. “Fight I was not suited for? Who are you trying to kid? Yourself? I can take care of myself. And I was not injured because of you. I was injured because I was an idiot that did not act soon enough. So do not take it out on yourself. It does not suit you Kylo.” She finished with a huff, crossing her arms over her chest and tightly closing her eyes. He was still staring at her. He was stunned. What in stars name just happened? No one, aside from his mother, had spoken to him like that; so plain and outright. There was something about it that was refreshing. He enjoyed the brutal honesty. The other person that ever got close was Hux. He barely spoke enough to him though. If he did, there was no doubt in his mind that he would be just like his mother. That was one of the reasons why he so begrudgingly respected the General.

She seemed to cut his argument in half though. He could not respond with anything, leaving him out in the open. All he could do was open and close his mouth like a fish out of water. Finally, she took mercy on him and sat back up. Her arms were still crossed over her chest as she turned to look back out the front of the ship. He stared at her, the synthetic yellow eye twitching. The iris focused and unfocused, something he never realized she did. Either way, he himself turned back. He left the autopilot on and just watched the systems fly by as he did. 

They sat in silence like that for what seemed like hours before she finally spoke up again. “You told me, I think it was the day we first met, that you would explain what side you were on.” She asked. Once again, her voice was barely above a whisper. He enjoyed the sound, enjoyed how soothing it was; like smooth water over dripping rocks. The question though. He was not so sure about. It was, it was something personal. Kylo knew that he did in fact say that; it just felt…felt odd with him to share. But alas, the Sith felt like he needed to explain to her. Even though he did not feel as guilty about her injury as he did before, he still felt as though he owed it to her. 

“What side I am on…Dark or Light…” His elbows rested on the arm rest, those big hands rubbing against his scarred face. All of it, she watched, wondering with anticipation what his answer would be. For a long time, his hands covered his face. When they finally pulled away, her eyes zeroed in on his profile. Long, thick black eye-lashes rested against his high cheek bones; not once opening as he started to speak again. “For a long time…For a long time I thought I would be a Jedi. I wished for it as hard as my body could.” He paused. Every word seemed to have giant pauses in between them. “I started to hear a voice in my head when I was very young. It was not mine, nor was it anyone’s that I knew.” Finally his eyes opened, but he did not look at her. He simply stared into the darkness around them.

“It whispered dark things to me for so long and so frequently that I started to believe them all. One day I snapped and the darkness took over me.” Omitting what had happened at Luke school, he continued. “Ever since then, I have believed that I became one with the dark side.” She watched him. It seemed hard, that he was sharing all of this with her. “Sometimes I remember that I did not rise from the dark side,” He turned to her with something of a small smile. “Sometimes you cannot deny the truth that is your family. The darkness is strong within me though. It is eating me whole.” His eloquence surprised her before she shook her head. He turned away to look back over the stars.

“I don’t think you are completely dark.” He did not move, but she saw his eyebrow raise slightly. “There is light within you, just like you said. I am not Force sensitive, nor do I believe myself to be very spiritual; but there is something about you. It is soothing. Whether that is the darkness or the light; I do not think it really matters. Why not just be yourself. If people want to judge you, they can judge you. But you will always know who you truly are.”

Kylo was stunned beyond words. He did not want to turn to look at her because he did not know how he would react.

“I’m gonna get some shut eye.” She patted his shoulder before going back to the main cabin, leaving him with his turbulent thoughts. No one, not a single person had ever said that to him; not his mother, father, uncle, Supreme Leader, no one. There was a large part of him that did not even understand what she had said. Be himself? He will know who he truly is? Does he? Ben was yelling inside of him. He was yelling to thank her, to speak to her again. Ben was quickly falling for her and her strange ways. But Kylo stifled him down. Attachments were childish and unneeded. Wild and turbulent emotions did drive the Sith, but attaching oneself to another was…was…

There was the tiniest attraction between the two. He could feel it, he was not ignorant. But what was it supposed to do? What was its purpose, aside from the physical? There was no way she could bear children to pass down his line. He’s seen her with just a sports bra on. Most of her abdomen was torn clean out, replaced with mechanical insides. Her uterus was no doubt a part of that which was missing. Was children with her what he was supposed to be thinking about? Especially with a physical attraction? For the first time in a long time, he regretted not growing up with a tighter family, with more supportive father figures. If he had, he was sure he would have known what to do in a situation like this.

~’~

_There was black oil and dark red blood everywhere. Even when she tried to wipe it from her hands, it just kept reappearing. Every time, over and over and over and over again. There was intense panic and anxiety that was growing within her. What was she supposed to do? What was happening? Around her, she could hear yells of pain and suffering; which were all quieted down like cotton had been shoved into her ears._

_What in the world was happening? With one last look at her hands, she saw that the oil and blood was coming from her. Her metal fingers had been bent backwards, snapped everywhere with the metal plating ripping at the edges. It caused her to scream out in pain. This was horror. It couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t happening. She had to get out of there. She had to g-_

“Hey!” Kylo’s hands on her shoulders brought her back to the world of the living. Her body, what was made up of blood and tissue, was sweating profusely. The cabin she was lying felt like it was 10,000 degrees and only rising. But Kylo was there in front of her. It felt like something was right when he was there. Those dark eyes looked startled and concerned all wrapped into one. “We were landing and I heard you scream. I put it on autopilot and saw you thrashing about back here.” He paused, rubbing some of the sweat off of her face. “Are you alright?” She just nodded and pushed his hand away. 

“Yeah sorry. You said we landed?” Her question came out muffled behind her hand as she rubbed her face. He looked skeptical to leave the subject but just nodded while grabbing their bags. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-taiwanes-159033
> 
> This is the recipe that is kind of mentioned.
> 
> What the house is based on
> 
> https://66.media.tumblr.com/e862783a883a8408d677b1fb7e4d3ba6/tumblr_oaksb5DYLJ1saf1lko1_540.gif

She stepped off the shuttle and immediately wanted to walk back in. The heat was oppressive against her skin; the gears in her arms already tightening from the water content in the air. She also had felt the heat of this planets sun biting at her skin that was exposed in her usual work out clothing Hux had given her so long ago. Kylo ended up bumping into her back, his own bag thrown over his shoulder. There was something good about going on this little adventure with him; he did not wear his helmet, leaving it on the shuttle. “What is wrong?” He asked. He glanced around her, looking at the damp forest that surrounded them. The shuttle had been landed right in a little clearing, just big enough for the thing to fit in the first place. Her body started to push on his, to get them back into the shuttle, but he was not moving. He just smirked and started to walk forwards again. With all the mechanical parts, her body had been weighed down quite a bit. It took her off guard by the fact he could keep her still so easily.

“And where are we exactly?” She finally asked as he walked around her. Her frown deepened as she followed him through the thick underbrush. The two walked for a while before it started to thin out. 

“It’s not of importance.” It did not sound like an angry reply. He just stated it like it was a fact, so she took it as that. The two continued on, the damp leaves and twigs brushing against them, until they broke through the tree line. She could already feel the wet air from the ocean perhaps? It blew over his skin, whipping her hair around as she followed him forwards. That was when the little house sitting on the cliff came into view. So it was an ocean. The clouds upon the horizon seemed to frame the small cottage as it sat on top of the hill. With Kylo right in front of her, they finally made it to the small wind washed home. From what she could tell, it was made from wood; previously painted a happy yellow color. The winds from the water had peeled back quite a bit of the paint, even on the land facing side of the home. She could only guess what the back looked like. Kylo walked right up to the home and walked straight in; causing her to balk at the fact the front door was just open like that. Where ever they were, he seemed to know his way around. Was this little house of importance? Had he been there before? She followed slowly after him. Right when they walked in, it opened into a large front room. It was open plan, the kitchen and living room seen from one part of the house. There was a porch on the back that looked over the water. She could only assume freshers…well, bathrooms considering the look of the house, were off somewhere else. It was an old little cottage. None of it was made of the steel and metal of The Finalizer. 

The walls were a sweet blue color that had not been affected by the harsh ocean winds. Even all the furniture seemed comfy and welcoming. She knew she loved it already. “Nice place.” She hummed, standing by the door. Kylo walked forwards and dropped his heavy bag by one of the couches. With a grunt, he dropped down and threw his large boots up onto the coffee table that sat in front of him. He looked completely out of place within the cottage. Dressed in all black, his body seemed to suck up all the space within the open plan room. He threw his long arms over the back of the love seat and rested his head there as well; a sigh blowing from his lips. His attitude looked, well, almost annoyed. He treated the house like it was a bug under his foot. It only made her wonder more about where exactly they were. As she stared at him, one of his dark eyes cracked open and glanced at her. Something of a smile grew on his face. 

“Come on over. You do not have to just stand there like that.” She didn’t even realize that she had been standing there. It was not like she felt awkward around him. There was no point in feeling awkward around him. It seemed as though she had just zoned out. So she shuffled over and stood by him; realizing that the couch he was sitting on was the only one. His large body seemed to take up the entire thing. When he found that she had not sat down yet, he clicked his tongue and moved himself over. She smiled and turned, placing her own bag next to hers and plopping down on the couch like he had. Her feet did not go up, but she rested her head back, bumping it against Kylo’s arm. What surprised her was that his body seemed to tense up at the contact. The first instinct that flew into her mind was to shoot up and apologize. But he relaxed rather quickly. His arm did not move either. So the two of them settled into the strange quiet. Both of them closed their eyes; relaxing in the small cottage on the strange hill, upon the strange planet. There was something about it all that, when she thought about it, felt like home.

The two of them sat there for what seemed like hours. Finally, Kylo grunted and threw his body forwards, his hands gripping his knees. “I guess we need to put our things away.” He said. His head turned to her only for his eyes to widen. Her own eyes were closed. The bottom metal jaw was lowered, opening her mouth just the smallest bit. Little pants of air slipped from her lips as she rested what seemed to be peacefully. A larger smile formed on his face as he stood. He did not want to wake her, but he also wanted her to get more comfortable. So as gently as he could, with a little bit of help from the Force, he lowered her down. Her head rested against the seat of the couch, her legs moved up so they were curled close to herself as she slept soundly. 

There was something inside of him that hadn’t moved in a long time. It was warm, bright inside his chest. He gripped at the left side of his shirt at the strange sensation. His heart. What was that? 

~’~

“There you are.” ____ walked out to the back porch, glancing towards the setting sun. It created quite the sight, the clouds turning vibrant reds and oranges. Kylo was sitting in one of the chairs, his feet once again thrown up in relaxation; this time upon the porch railing. He glanced up at her as she sat down on the other chair next to him. That same small smile she had seen early spread on his face. “You know you could have woken me up.” She teased. It was then that she noticed he had changed. Still in all black, his clothing was lighter, looser. He was wearing baggy, airy looking pants; the material seemingly thing to accommodate for the humid air. His cloak and heavy top was changed for a thing short sleeve shirt, once again black. The only thing that remained the same were his heavy boots. 

Instead of answer her statement, he simply shrugged and looked back over the water, his arms crossed over his chest. She herself sighed at his noncommittal answer and crossed her own arms. Her foot felt warm so she leant over and pulled both of her shoes off before pulling her legs up into the chair. “I know that you said it was not important,” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes. She ruffled one of her aching jointed hands through her hair. “Will you tell me where we are?” His eyes flipped back to the calm waters. Scanning the horizon, he found nothing; was he looking for anything? Perhaps the memories that were embedded within the house behind him. Why did he bring her here? Did he think she could work through these things for him? Perhaps he did. But then it brought up the question of what she would bring to the table of the conversation. Maybe it was the lust he was feeling towards her. There was no getting around the fact he was physically attracted to her. Was she attracted to him? And was he confusing lust and physical attraction with being able to help with the stupid memories of his past. It was all just…He should not be thinking about that now.

“Not right now.” He heard her grunt in annoyance which made him chuckle. It was a seemingly, perhaps, relaxed sound for her to make. She was letting her guard down here, around him. It made him have that same sensation in his chest from earlier. As he sat out there, he thought about what it was; coming to the realization that it was happiness. He was glad that she was feeling comfortable enough around him that she did that, let her guard down. It made him want to see more of it. He wanted her to relax further. Maybe pulling Dameron on a wild goose chase around the galaxy could be a good thing. It very well could be a blessing in disguise; bringing them closer together. He could maybe even find out what these feelings were, aside from the attraction he was feeling. “Maybe later.” Kylo added at the end. Either way, she just sighed and pressed her hand against her shoulder. “Sore?” He asked. Her hand was working the connection there. The free hand reached up to the other side, working the nerves and muscles there as well.

“Yeah. A little at least. My prosthetics don’t do well in humid weather at first. It just needs a couple of days to adjust.”

“Is that what happened back on that other planet? It all locking up and getting sore like that?” He asked with genuine curiosity. She did seem to be in quite a bit of discomfort on that swamp planet they had encountered Luke on. Her body intrigued him in more ways than one. Those metal parts of her. She had heard from Garrison when she was out that her body was more made of metal at this point than anything else. It made him wonder what it was like, to live like that. It was not a bad thing to him, not in the slightest. The Force flowed through every living creature after all. But what did it feel like? What had it felt like when she nearly died? When Chewbacca shot him in the stomach, and when the damned scavenger girl cut his face; that was the closest he had come to death. Especially with the bowcaster shot. Those were explosive and it scrambled most of his insides. He was lucky enough that he got to a bacta tank fast enough. She had not been so lucky.

“Yeah. But like I said don’t worry. It will pass soon enough.” The two of them, once again, fell into a comfortable silence. They watched the setting sun like some old couple, making him think of his parents. His heart. It lurched at the thought of his father. Still, even now, he felt the tinge of regret at what he had done. Even though he had went and trained with his master, practically cutting ties with the ancient being after become a Sith Lord himself, Kylo still wondered if he had done the right thing. Could there have been a way where he saved his father and still become a Sith? There had to be. But that was in the past. His mother was still alive and must hate him more than anything in the galaxy. The woman sitting beside him; it was a tiny string that connected him to the Alderannian princess. 

Once the sun fell behind the horizon, the light still bright enough to see without lighting candles, he stood and walked inside. “Where are you going?” She asked sitting up slightly. He glanced over his shoulder.

“Stay right there. I will be back in a bit.” And just like that, she was left alone on the back porch. A slight breeze brushed past her, whipping her hair the smallest bit. She liked this planet. There was no getting around that. Sure it was wet and humid, but that could be acclimated to. Her limbs would get used to it or she would make them. Kylo, he seemed calmer here; albeit, slightly annoyed, but still calmer. There had to be some sort of personal connection. Why else would he be able to just walk around like he had been there before? Sure her curiosity about it all was peaked at the thought; but he had told her he would tell her later. She could respect that. As she sat out there, small candles suddenly lit. They were lining the bottom of the porch. It casted a warm glow upon her and the rest of the chairs. She snorted with laughter. Of course The Force could do something like this. His powers were quite strong, at least from what she had heard in the past. His abilities could surpass many. What made her laugh a little harder was not that. Whether he knew it or not, all of this turned rather romantic when the candles were lit. It seemed as though they were on some get away lovers vacation together. 

And then she stopped.

They were.

Well, maybe not the lover’s part; but they were on a get away vacation together. Sure they were doing it for a strategic purpose as well; but it did not overshadow the fact they were together, on some far away planet…sharing a cottage. Her cheek actually blushed. Even the metallic part felt heated. She was never one to be shy, to be embarrassed. People’s bodies were just carries of souls. Everyone had a body and hers just so happened to be a little torn up then most. It did not change the fact that suddenly everything was getting very real. She and Kylo were both grown adults. She was actually rather attracted to him. Sure he was handsome, well, very handsome; but there was something about him as well. The air that he held, the uncertainty and cockiness that surrounded him in one fell swoop. It was like nothing she had ever seen before; or experienced. He had a gravitational pull; something that was becoming of a leader in his position. No wonder the others followed him. A large part of it was the powers of The Force. The rest of it had to be the fact he was indeed rather charismatic. 

Her mind had been reeling and spinning and twisting so hard that she didn’t even notice him coming back through the door. He walked over to her and held a bowl of food in front of her face. “For you.” He said while walking back to his chair. He did not put his feet up this time, just leaning back and starting to eat what he held in his hand. She looked down at the bowl, the contents a light color. There were vegetables floating around with thin noodles. The smell was incredible. 

“Where…”

“I made it.” That caused her head to flip to the side. He was slurping up the noodles and stopped to see her face to face. “What?”

“I did not know you knew how to cook.” A knowing smile grew on her face.

“There is a lot you don’t know about me. Perhaps you will learn some things while we are running around together. Now eat before it gets cold.” 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STP44iU9EpI&list=RDSTP44iU9EpI&index=1
> 
> Recommended chapter song.

There was something quiet and beautiful about the small little house on the cliff. The wind gently blowing against the back side was not as harsh as she expected it to be. With her room on one side of the house with Kylo’s on the other, it gave them quite a bit of room to roam about, even if the house was tiny. She went to bed late that night, after eating the soup with Kylo on the back porch. The nap she had taken had been peaceful and restful. Usually her sleep would be littered with nightmares of her past; but this time it was a blissful blank atmosphere. It made her wonder if she could sleep with good dreams somewhere in the future.

But alas, she did not get that when she went to bed that night. The nightmares had found her again; clawing at her psyche like wicked animals upon a helpless lamb. She thought she had screamed through it when a certain painful blaster hit her neck with black oil spewing from the injury, but when she opened her eyes, she was simply sweating. Everything on her bed seemed wet; at least on her right side where most of her actual tissue and flesh still survived. Then there was the fact that Kylo was nowhere to be seen. It wasn’t as though she was just expecting him to be there when she woke up; even if he had been doing just that for the past couple of days. It was just if she had been screaming, he probably would have noticed and come to investigate. He was a Sith Lord, not an imbecile. They were so to speak on the run. If he heard someone screaming it would just be doing an injustice to himself and her if he did not go and investigate. 

But, with all the time she spent sitting in her little guest room in the little cottage, she had time to think. She pulled the small chair over to the window and opened it up. It gave her a complete view of the water and the planets full moon above the horizon. Even the moon on this planet gave off an orangey glow. On Apatros, everything had been cold during the night and scorching during the day. When she went and drifted through space, she never stayed on a planet long enough for her to see the night or the day respectively. So this was a treat if she could call it that. What she enjoyed a lot was the fact it was warm even during the night. Even if she said she disliked the moist weather. Perhaps her limbs were getting accustomed to the weather faster than she first expected. If that was the case, she would be happy. Kylo actually had seemed concerned for her. She wondered why. It was not like she was very weak. Her body was sturdier than most if they were going to be honest. She was flattered that he cared for her in such a way though. There was no getting around that. 

As she gazed out upon the water her mind wondered, once again, to Kylo’s behavior from earlier. It got her mind off of the sleep she was missing out on. He was being very secretive, especially about where they were. Of course she would respect his wishes on not telling her any info. It did not mean she could not wonder though. It had to be somewhere from his past. The way he walked around as though he knew where everything was; or well, knew where everything was. He had to. She could not imagine him anything other than what he was. It was like he was never a child. Her mind could not grasp the concept of a child Kylo. It was just too bizarre. Then there was the way he seemed almost disgusted, like he was slightly annoyed that they had to be here. There was something in her that wondered if it was just her. Was he acting that way because he was there with her, alone with her? Or was it something with the house once again. What memories haunted Kylo within these walls? 

She could not imagine it, but was it his parents? Did he have parents? Did they come here as a family? It made her wonder if his parents could use the Force as well, really what they were like in general. 

A funny thought passed through her head. Instead of a “woman” and a “man”, she just saw Kylo in a dress and a tux. She giggled in the lonely darkness of her room. That was the only way she could envision Kylo’s parents. Who knows? Perhaps that was something of what they looked like?

~’~

She was awake. Kylo could feel it. He had not been able to go to sleep after the dinner they ate out on the back porch. He had told her goodnight while he was cleaning the dishes they had used. She quickly slipped away when his back was turned, rushing off to the room she was going to occupy for the time being. When he himself was done, his feet took him to the room he so desperately wanted to avoid. There were memories like blood staining the walls. All he could do for a couple of minutes was stand outside the door and stare it; imagining the two previous occupants getting ready for bed. He could see his mother brushing out her long hair. His father would crack a joke before making some stupid hand movement. The two would laugh at each other and Ben’s chest would ache with misery. Kylo, on the other hand, squashed it down with a harsh push. He hated it. He hated the fact that the little brat was still calling to him, still telling him what to do and what to say. Kylo thought he had killed him long ago but it seems as though he were wrong about that.

Finally he was able to walk in, even with a young Ben barreling past his legs. He jumped up onto the bed and into his mother’s arms right as Kylo walked past to sit in the chair by the window. It was still there from the last time his father had sat in it. Han would look out over the water and spin fanciful stories of wonder to a jittery Ben. 

Alas that was another life time. Kylo blocked those images from his mind while looking out over the water. She was doing the same thing. He felt the mirror image while staring at the water; the crystalline light of the moon playing off of each wave. What was keeping her up? What was she thinking about that captivated her mind so? There was this large part of him that wanted to burrow into her mind. It was far more intriguing than his. That, and he was generally interested in her.

Those thoughts led to, well they led to thoughts of her body. There was no doubt in his mind that he was attracted to her. There had been many woman and men in his life there were physically attractive in a more formal sense of the word. They had even faces and lithe bodies. Their hair was glossy and healthy. They had all their limbs for one thing.

But there was just something about her that made him want to touch her; to feel her skin and to feel the metal. She was stunning with her half metal body. Her movements and attitude all reflected someone that had confidence beyond capability. She spent so many years alone to think about life perhaps that was where she got it. She was wise beyond her years. Every problem he had, she seemed to have a good answer for it. A thought flew into his mind at that. He was not just attracted to her physically. He wanted more. He loved spending time with her; wanting to speak and interact. She was intelligent, perhaps more so than he. And when he saw her standing with the General, his heart would hurt. He felt a burning angry sensation in his chest. Those were the moments where Ben was the loudest. He would shout words of emotions, names of feelings he had long forgotten about. Love? Wanting? Happiness? What was that little brat prattling on about? The word Love. It made Kylo cringe. How long had it been since he heard it? Felt it? Even if he felt something akin to love towards _____, it did not mean it was reciprocated. He very well could be pulling at straws with her.

“What am I doing?” He groaned into his hand. His mind was racing, as per usual. It just raced and raced and raced and raced; never settling on one thing. Instead of putting more thought into it, he walked over to the bed and laid down on his back, resting his head on an arm. There was no way he was getting to sleep. He could just recount the dots on the ceiling. Last time he was here there were 402,657. 

~’~

“We got a message.” Poe said as he walked over to Leia. The older woman glanced over her shoulder and turned when she realized what Poe was talking about. He held out the code to her and she took it from him. Reading over it, her heart almost stopped in her chest. The First Order had a certain code, “metal man”. There was no getting around it. That was _____. Then the name next to it. Sith Raven. Her heart ached in her chest. That was Ben. Her Ben. Her Ben and her ______. They had run off together. The new revelation could be a boon for her. She wanted to get _____ there was no getting around that. Yet there was also her son. She wanted him back with her. She was not about to give up on him. Sure, it hurt more than anything she had ever experienced when Han died; it felt like she had been ripped in half right down the middle. Ben was not gone to the darkness though. There was light in him, she felt it. And as long as there was light, they still had a chance; there was still hope. That brought up a question though. Where did they go? She continued to scan over the letter and spotted a few things of interest. There were mentions of water and humid weather; a tropical location with a still rocky terrain. Her mind started to race through options as to what planet that would be. Water and rocky terrain. Humid weather and a tropical atmosphere. She wanted to pound her head against the wall. There were so many planets she had been to or learned of but none of them were standing out. So she turned to Poe, Finn and Rey waking up behind him. They had an interested look on their faces considering they were going to end up going with Poe on this little adventure. 

“Where is your comm?” She asked, prompting Poe to pull his out. He held it in his hand as he waited for her to complete her thought. “Put these down. I have some ideas as to what planet they could be on, but there is a list of them.” She started telling him each one, giving him the sector of where they were as well. When she stumbled over a certain one, he glanced up.

“Corellia ma’m?” Poe knew where Han was born. He knew where he was from so the pain flying across Leia’s face was a given. Then there was the fact with her son with _____, the memories that she held for the planet must have been hard to digest. Either way, he highlighted it. He did not know why; perhaps just marking it for a closer inspection. There was a large chance that Kylo did not even take her there if there were that many thoughts connecting the place to their family. At least he pleaded not to find them there. He did not know what it would do to Leia if Kylo really had run to that planet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Physical contact in the next chapter! Ohhhh!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Kylo Ren is Kylo Ren, and nothing will change that. He has accepted who he is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nq-X70DRrA

Both walked out of their respective rooms in the morning with bags under their eyes; having spent the entire knight awake with a racing mind. She looked up when entering the main area and saw that Kylo was standing in front of the old stove. The smell of cooking meat and baking bread wafted into her nose. She walked over, knowing that she would not surprise him considering he could since her easy enough. 

“I see that you are at it again.” She chuckled. He looked up with a small smile, actually letting her see the vulnerability of the darkness that had settled under his eyes. It was an intimate thing that made her smile that he shared with her. 

“Yes. It seems as though I have been having a craving to cook for quite some time now.” Kylo’s smiled widened. There was a moment where she stood behind the island in the kitchen before she walked around and stood beside him. He watched intently, her eyes cast down a bit; then her body settled up against his. Their hips bumped against each other and she stood there unmoving. He blinked a couple of times and felt the happiness, so foreign and welcome, flow into his chest. This is what he has been wanting for quite some time. The heat of her body, even the metal of her right arm, it was so appropriate in his eyes. He moved the spatula into his own right hand then with a large amount of bravery, wrapped his arm around her to settle his hand against her metal hip. He did not even feel any sort of anxiety about it. It was right, right, so damn right. And when she did not tense with apprehension, that happy feeling in his chest only got warmer. Her head tilted so it was resting against his arm.

A comfortable silence fell over the two. He had opened the back patio door so the sounds of the ocean at the bottom of the cliff swayed into the home. The breeze rustled their clothing. Her smile only grew as the smell of the food hit her nose once again. She watched, comfortably nestled into Kylo’s side as he worked the beef. Her guess was that the bread was in the oven beside them. He had to have gotten up before her if he was able to start on all of this and be nearly finished by the time she had walked in. Her eyes narrowed for a moment. Her biological eye fluttered nearly shut, the eyelashes brushing against her cheek. “Thank you.” She muttered while he held her close. 

Kylo paused cooking for a moment. The feeling of him looking over to her hit her side. His head turned and his mouth rubbed against her hair. In that moment, she was ever so happy that it was the left side of her head that had been blown off. Of course she would have been able to feel the heat of his mouth on her but that would have been it. This way, she could feel the hot breath, his lips, and his chin. That mouth pressed into her hair, a kiss that she loved. They seemed to have both come to a mutual agreement over their restless night. They needed to touch each other. They needed to express their feelings for each other somehow. “Thank you for what?” He whispered, going back to working on the food but not moving away from her. Ben was in heaven having her tucked under his arm. 

So was Kylo. 

There hadn’t been a moment like this in a long time where Kylo was so sated. Her body, as surprising as it was, was soft beside him. There was no getting around the fact that he liked the feel of her metal hip. He liked the sensation of her other hip against his even better. Done with the food, the two of them did not move exactly yet. He simply brushed his hand up and down against her side. It smoothed over the metal underneath her shirt.

“Thank you for…just thank you.” Kylo noticed, easily, that she cut herself short. The way her words stopped showed she had something else that she had wanted to say. It clawed and gnawed at him. What was she actually thankful for? But there was no way he was going to pry. Not when the atmosphere between the two was so soft and perfect. Instead, he reluctantly slipped away from her. He turned to grab the bread out of the over while she walked to the back porch.

Finally outside, she sat in the same chair she had been in the night before. Her skin cheek was on fire. How long had it been since she had physical contact? Even with her mind racing, trying to think of the exact time; she could not place it. It escaped her like many of her other memories. 

Standing next to Kylo like that was perfection. The way their bodies molded together, _____ wanted to do it again. Would he allow me, she thought to herself while waiting for him. He had reciprocated the touch quickly. It was like he wanted the same thing as her; which she did not doubt at this point. She wanted it. She wanted the touch to escalate. Intimacy was clouding her mind with thoughts of what they could do together. All of her being wanted him to want the same thing. How he held her was indicative of lovers, or at least, that’s what she had seen in the past. Hip to hip, head on shoulder; he had to want the same thing.

“Her you go.” He was standing beside her with a plate in his hand. Her mind had been racing so much that she had not even noticed him. So she took the plate and started eating, unsurprised that it was as good as the last meal he had cooked. He walked over to the seat he had taken the night before. But this time, he dragged the chair right beside her. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes, simply enjoying the sound of the ocean below them. “I know how to get down to the beach.” He muttered between bites. She turned to him to find that his eyes were on her. Another blush bloomed over her one cheek, but it was quickly stifled down. Instead a smile grew on her face. 

“That sounds nice.” Her chuckle caused him to raise a brow.

“What is so funny?” He did not sound offended which she was happy for. There was no way she was going to ruin the feelings between them so early. Well, she did not want to ruin what they had either way. She just did not want it to get rocky like this so soon. Instead she just laughed and turned back to the ocean. After a few bites she explained her laughter.

“I can’t imagine you on a beach.” Of course she could see the knights on a beach planet. They would perhaps be terrorizing some rebels or a part of the New Republic. But that was beside the point. She could not see THIS Kylo Ren on a beach. This Kylo Ren was different. There was still that anger and danger about him; assuredly still deeply entrenched in the darkness. However, he seemed more accepting of it. He was not afraid of it, not ashamed of it. Instead he smiled at her once again and nodded. They finished their food and headed back inside. Both, this time, walked over to the sink. They washed the dishes while talking about nothing in general. It was more like they wanted to hear each other’s voice, be in each other’s presence.

Once done, he explained to her that she would just need some easy shoes. She quickly found them and met him at the front door where they headed out to hike down to the beach. 

~’~

He missed her. Armitage Hux missed her more than he really wanted to admit to anyone else. Why he let her run off with Kylo was beyond him; or perhaps, he just did not want to let her go. He begrudgingly agreed with her plan. The First Order needed to recoup and gather themselves up. They needed resources, which included recruiting and creating new Stormtroopers. That would take time and money. With the idol of the Alliance gone, it would give them many opportunities to do exactly that.

She was a genius in that aspect, knowing that they could work the Alliance in such a way. Her previous ties to them was a boon. Just not for him. Hux was incredibly distracted. He would never mess up on orders, but would give them with a lack luster attitude. It was more like he had lost someone of great importance. 

Which he had.

The want to kiss her was growing stronger and stronger by the day. Well, he wanted to do more than that, but he could not with her gone. He could not do anything. And her and Kylo could do everything.

~’~

It reminded her of Apatros. A quick pang of homesickness hit her, but fled just as fast. Instead, she walked over to where the water would lap at her toes. Of course she could not enter into the ocean, but she sure could admire it. It was a lucky slightly cloudy day which would not heat up her legs and arms as much as other days would.

She was mainly happy that she could hold his hand. Which was what they were doing. The heat was…settling, felt like home. Kylo was thinking the same thing. She reassured him that he had not made the wrong choice. The darkness was not as terrifying as it once was. Of course Ben still yelled at him on occasion, but he did not care as often. Instead it was more like fleeting memories in his mind. “It is really quite beautiful. So you have been here before?” She asked beside him. He turned slightly and started to walk; her getting the clue and starting beside him. They went for some time before he answered her. At that point, they were in a quite cover. He pulled her so they were sitting close beside each other. They were pressed together, knowing that they were meant to be right where they were. 

“Yes. I used to come here as a child.” Both were surprised at his admission. But he wanted to tell her. If they were going to be…be something, he needed to be honest. At least honest to a point. “It is my old family vacation home.” _____ had a feeling that was what it was, but was unsure of herself. Now she knew for certain. That was why he was so comfortable walking about, why he almost seemed displeased with the home itself. Of course he would not like it all that much. She was not well versed in the ways of the Force but she knew somethings; like the fact that family was a rarity. That was actually something that the Jedi and the Sith share, or at least from what she had heard. 

“I see.” That was all she could reply with. It was the only thing she could think of. Once again, she was not going to pry him for more answers. When he wanted to tell her about it, he would tell her about it. If he did not want to right then, that was not a problem for her. So to lighten the mood, she turned and flattened his legs out. Once they were out straight in front of him, she flipped around, stomach straight up, and rested her head on his lap. There was shock in his face, but a smile stretching across hers. “Let me rest for a little while.” Her voice was full of laughter, causing him to smile as well. The mood had lightened, getting away from the past that he did not want to talk about. “Thank you for not being afraid of my appearance.” There. She said it. She said what she wanted to thank him for early. Many people had stared at her when she would go planet side in the past. Kylo was not like that. He looked at her, of course. But it was not full of fear. He looked at her as though she were just another person. He looked at her with… admiration, like he found her attractive. It made her heart swell with happiness.

A knowing smile formed on his scarred face. “You are very beautiful.” 

“You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better.” 

His response was him caressing her metal cheek. It made her heart tighten with joy. He was showing her that she was not just her broken body. He appreciated all of her, even if she thought she was just that. 

The day was so perfect. She felt so at home with him. He started to comb his fingers though her hair, humming some sea shanty that she had never heard. It seemed as though he was very familiar with it that made her smile. There were things that she was finding out about him that was so perfect. All of it. He was himself around her which counted the most. At least she gave that to him, that comfort and that sincerity. There would have been no point if they were not honest with each other.

The sun started to set, the sound of the ocean beside them a constant in their mind. With the air growing colder, both knew that they needed to get up and go back; even though they desperately did not want to. Slowly, the two looked at each other in the setting sun; her head still settled in his lap. There was a beat where neither did not know what to do. But then it clicked in their mind. 

Kylo leant down, she leaning up to him as well. Like it was meant to be, their lips pressed against one another. He hummed, a smile forming on his face. His large hand slipped into her hair and held her head gently. Back and forth, their kiss was gentle and sweet. His nose bumped against her metal cheek, hers doing the same. 

Instead of moving, going back to the house, they held each other. She pressed her face into his neck and felt so comfortable. It was perfect and right. Everything about the day had been perfect and right. Apart they were broken and shattered. They agonized through the years of suffering and self-loathing. Yet together they were more whole than they had ever been. 


	17. Chapter 17

Oh how quiet their existence became. The two of them fell into something of a rhythm. They were comfortable with each other. It was her idea for the two of them to move into one room. What a surprise when his face bloomed into an intense blush. From what she could tell, he wasn’t a virgin. He did not hold himself as one. Yet when she suggested that, his blush was furious on his tan skin. Either way, that was how the two of them ended up sleeping together and waking up together. They both found that their sleep improved greatly. 

This went on for what seemed like weeks, months perhaps. They didn’t walk on egg shells any longer. They were just themselves. But of course everything that is good has to come to an end; that is just the way of the world. 

It was early one morning, before the sun came up over the tree line. Kylo shifted and turned over so he was facing her back. She wore a tank top at night so bother her arms glistened in the fading moonlight. The metal seemed dimmer, dustier and dirty then the shine it had when he first met her. The hours, the days, the weeks and the months; he could see it all wearing down on her. Of course he could feel it on himself, there was no getting around that. However, he had never seen time claw away at someone he…at someone he…someone he loved. There was his mother and Han; but those were different, they were different. The love for them was forced, not on even ground. This was mutual. He felt it, he knew that she cared for him in return. His eyes traced the line of her neck and where the metal met skin while he thought. Without thinking, he reached up and brushed her hair out of the way and scooted closer. With his chest to her back, he ever so lightly pressed a kiss to the metal of her neck. There was a straight rod that ran up the middle along the spine where the body mass had been blown off. Kylo had read the doctors report; the one that Hux had shown him. 

There was quite a bit that was intriguing about her new body. She was incredible. A long time ago he would have been even more interesting; but he didn’t care much about the certain parts of her body. No, he cared about it all; from the tip of her head, down to her one metal foot and one biological foot. He didn’t have to worry about things such as appearance. She accepted his face that was bisected with a giant scar. He could accept how beautiful she was. 

His mouth was still lightly pressed against her neck when she started to stir. At first he did not think she would wake up, but her movements became more and more obvious of consciousness. “Kylo?” Came her clouded words. She may be awake, but just barely. He let his hand rest in her hair while she rolled over. The two of them were facing each other; he marveled about how her face was covered in shadows, yet she still held this light air about her. She was so grey.

He was well awake by this time. A small smile formed on his face as she let out a large yawn. When her lips slipped closed once again, he lunged forwards and pressed his against hers. Obviously there were a few moments of confusion as to what was happening, but then she melted into it. His hand grasped her hair a little tighter while her cold metal ones reached up and cupped his neck. She giggled into the kiss when he jumped at the metal touch, but moaned when he tapped his teeth against her bottom metal lip. Kylo, he didn’t treat her like a monster. He just treated her like she was whole. They continued like that, wrapping each other up in their arms and legs; mouths connected with hot breath shared between each other. He pushed up so he ended up hovering over her. His forearms were resting against the bed on either side of her head while his knees bracketed her legs. Like they were meant to be, his hands crawled over and rested atop of hers. Long fingers intertwined with metal ones. 

“I hear you calling in the dead of night.” He whispered to her. That was a surprise; catching both of them off guard, her more so than him. It was an intimate sentence, and intimate declaration. Kylo would hear her now. Her sleep was good, yes that was true; but it did not mean it was peaceful. Multiple times, Kylo would wake at night to the sounds of her sobs, to the sounds of her whimpers. She would be turned in on herself. Like a cage, her metal arms would keep her immobile as she sweated and cried. The fact that he just came out and said that surprised even him. But he wanted to get it across. “You aren’t alone anymore. I may have told you that already but I just want to get it through your head again.” He muttered while leaning down and pressing kisses all over her face; both metal and not. Kylo pulled away and saw that a single crystalline tear had slipped from her real eye. On the other side, he was surprised to find a trail of black oil. It dripped down past her ear and onto her hair and into the pillow. It was all so soft; the light that splayed upon their bodies, the way they touched one another, the way they held one another, how the words slipped from her mouth.

“Thank you.” She cried out loud. It was some of the most emotions he had seen her display. And he was happy it was in front of him. The trust was there, it was evident. It continued on when Kylo pressed his lips against hers once again. He lowered his body so he was resting on her while they continued to melt deeper and deeper into one another. Before long, their clothing was gone and they were as close together as they could be. It wasn’t much time after that when Kylo grunted when entering her. He watched her head fall backwards, that long metal neck exposed to the gradually fading moonlight. And so they made love. Like the rest of their time together, it was haunted with what they were, with what they had been; and perhaps what they would become. Yet they did not mind it, not as long as they were there together. The concept of being a monster wasn’t too bad when you had someone to be a monster with. 

~’~

Not but a couple of days after that did their little bit of heaven come crumbling down. It was like any other morning where they would wake up to the cloud covered sky. Still she did not know what planet they were on, but at this point she really couldn’t find it in her to care. As long as she was with Kylo, then they could be on Mustafar and she wouldn’t mind. He rolled over on the bed and pushed her hair away from her neck like he always did. When she felt the heat of his mouth on her neck, she smiled with her eyes closed. Of course he knew that she was awake, so he continued kissing her, making his way up the metal up to her ear and then rubbed his face into her hair. When she still stubbornly kept her eyes clothes, he slipped his hands under her shirt and rapidly moved his fingers around. Her squeal of laughter was loud.

“Kylo stop!” She squeaked out. She was extremely sensitive and ticklish on her skin since the accident so many years ago. When her eyes popped open; his scarred face was smiling over hers. 

“There she is.” He muttered. Soft. His lips were so soft against hers, and he loved the feeling of the metal against his skin. Never had something felt so right in his life. He laughed when she pouted her upper lip, the bottom one not able to move like that. “One more.” He whispered before kissing her one last time before rolling out of bed. “I’m going to get cooking.” Kylo stated with a wave of his hand. She just watched him go with a stupid smile on her face. How long had it been since she felt this happy? This whole? Maker it had to have been before the accident. All _____ could do was sit there with a dumb smile on her face, staring down at her lap. 

“I can’t keep him waiting forever.” The smell of cooking meats and veggies were already floating through the small house. When she walked out into the main room in her tank top and sleeping pants, she noticed he had apparently grabbed some clothing on his way out of their room. He was dressed in his regular pants with a, well, usual baggy black shirt. He even already had his boots on so she felt extremely under dressed. But when he looked up at her, he just smiled and motioned for her to come closer.

There it was. He accepted her. It caused her to nearly jump into his arms. Like that very first day they realized how they felt, Kylo made the breakfast with _____ tucked to his side. Kylo hummed a small tune that sounded familiar to her, even though the words were foreign. He had to have sung that to her when they were in bed together. Whatever it was, it made her relax, made her feel safe and at home. So once he was finished with the food, he platted for the two of them and then walked back to the patio. Just like every other time, the cool wind hit her skin. At this point, the moisture in the air didn’t even bother her that much any longer. She enjoyed it even. Living on Apatros for so long when she was younger, her lungs had adapted to it as well. With the wet weather, it almost felt good to breathe again. “What do you want to do today?” She asked mid bite. He had made something of a sausage biscuit. Whoever taught him to cook was a damn genius.

“I was thinking we could go for a walk again. Back on the beach.” He finished speaking. She hummed in response, mouth full of a flaky golden biscuit. It wasn’t even dry. He was a wizard in the kitchen. I don’t want to overwork your arms and legs though.” He stated. Of course he would be worried about something as foolish as that. Well, there had been a couple of times when they were having sex where her leg would lock up or she would end up back handing him with one of her arms on accident. She had frantically explained to him that it was the nerves. With a furious blush on her face, she told him that… that she hadn’t had sex since before the accident. At that point he understood and they had a quiet and sweet laugh about it all; but that did not change his mind about it all. 

“It won’t. Trust me. And if it does, I’ll just collapse into the sand with dramatic flair.” He chocked at that. Ever since the two of them met, she had always been rather; let us say, eccentric. Kylo could still recall it all. How she put his mind at ease about names and who humans are at their core. ____ was far wiser than Luke or any other master of his could have ever been. So he just loved all of her quirks. 

While they were finishing up their food, Kylo suddenly froze. His plate clattered to the ground, the glass breaking. Her head whipped around in surprise. That electronic yellow eye zoomed and focused in on the broken glass before glancing back up at him. “What in the world is wrong?” _____ gasped. He still had not moved. For a moment she thought that he was having some sort of an attack, like a seizure; something that one of the pilots in the Alliance had quite frequently. But finally he started to breathe again. His eyes flickered and he shot up from the chair. ”Kylo?” He jolted her up with a hand around her arm while pulling her up from her own seat. With the sudden jerking motion, she herself dropped her plate. It was quicker than the blink of an eye when she found herself slammed against the back door glass. Kylo was standing beside her more shielding her from the outdoors than anything else. “What the fu-?”

“Look.” He bit out while wrapping a hand around her mouth to keep her quiet. One of his big hands pointed up towards the sky and her eyes widened in panic. She knew that ship. She knew exactly who was piloting it and you didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to know who was in the ship with him. Kylo felt her head shaking back and forth so he pulled the two of them away from the glass. “We need to get out of here. They are going to know that we are staying in this house if Dameron is flying them. They won’t know where I parked my shuttle though. They should land closer to the house. We will have to leave out the patio before they make it through.” But then he paused, both of them paused and thought of the drop off from the porch. It was possible for Kylo to make the drop, but she couldn’t; not if they were falling into water like that. “Cross that, we need to head out now. Shit.” The two of them both rushed to where they had the stuff they needed and grabbed all they could. Really for her it was just a couple pair of clothes while Kylo; it was his lightsaber. Without another thought, they rushed out the front door, but came up short.

Just like Kylo thought, Poe had landed the shuttle far closer to the house than Kylo had his. Both Rey and Finn were already off the ship and heading towards the house, with Poe right behind them. When Rey and _____ eyes met, there was something of animosity between them. But when she glanced over to Kylo, it bloomed into ferocious anger. It was like clockwork. Her new lightsaber, a bright yellow thing; a staff with two beams on either side, came into play. Right afterwards Kylo’s was spitting and screaming. She reached for blaster by her side knowing that this was going to turn into a fight right away. Why? Why were they this ready and rearing to go? She really did not know. 

The next couple of things happened far too fast for her to comprehend. She really didn’t even realize that they were that close to the edge of the cliff. Rey charged at ______, taking both her and Kylo by surprise. However, Kylo thought ahead and tossed her the lightsaber, the two of them switching weapons as though they had done it their entire lives. She was far more untrained then the even untrained Rey, but ______ was able to hold her off. There was no reason to worry about Kylo. He could easily hold off the others. However, she quickly realized that couldn’t hold off Rey on her own. ______ did not seen the quickly encroaching cliff side. With a push she got Rey off of her chest which put quite some room between the two of them. However now that they made space, she was toeing the line of the cliff. Rey, with the anger off being hurt in her eyes, pushed her hand out and ______ felt herself flying out into the open air. All Kylo could see when he turned around was a metal hand reaching out for someone to grab. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER  
> ....  
> LITERALLY


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the chapter was so short! DX I just really liked these turn of events funny enough.

Her first thought was that she was going to land on the rocks; that her limbs would shatter and break, perhaps not making it out of the fall alive. However, what happened was probably the only thing that could be considered worse. When she hit the water at first, all she could feel was the liquid seeping into her joints and pressing and wrapping around her skin. After a few moments, the pain kicked in. It was little bits all over her body at first, like getting small electric shocks from rubbing socks onto a carpet. Everywhere there was skin, it popped and sizzled. Then the burning took over. Like fire on ice, she was melting into the pain. Her screams resounded against the cliff and rung into the distance.

The water wasn’t exactly all that deep, her head just above the water; which she was thankful for. With her limbs all locking up and the excruciating pain, she wouldn’t be able to keep herself afloat. Either way, it felt as though she were on the verge of death it was so painful. It was her entire being at that point. Nothing else mattered. She felt as though she heard things in the distance, perhaps the sound of people crying out to her, shouting to do something and to get it in gear; but she really wasn’t sure. In all honesty, she didn’t really care. All she was trying to do, for the first time in a long time, was to stay alive. Things had changed and she wanted to see it all through. 

~’~

Poe felt his stomach twist and then drop when he realized what had just happened. The look on Rey’s face was of pure guilt and absolute horror. She was at fault for what just transpired. Her lightsaber deactivated as she ran over to the cliff. With her heart beating out of her chest, she grimaced when the screams started. She didn’t even want to look behind her at Kylo. That actually surprised her. He wasn’t running up to the cliff to kill her. So against her best judgement, she glanced over her shoulder. Kylo was frozen in place, also in disbelief. 

“_____!” Poe shouted. Finn also ran over and looked over the edge. The sight was grizzly, her screams only making it worse. They had to act fast if she was going to survive. Not only was all her mechanics malfunctioning from being submerged in water, but most of it was broken as well. So without standing there much longer, Poe turned and started running towards his ship. He was glad that Kylo didn’t stop him. He would have to get in an altercation and that wouldn’t have ended well for either of them. The three of them quickly boarded the ship and took off as fast as they could. It jerked slightly with the ascent before evening out. 

Poe was shaking. His entire body felt anxious and tight. He wasn’t about to lose her. She was special, important to him. So many of his friends he had to watch die. He wasn’t going to watch another was pass before him. So they slipped down the cliff and rushed to the water. She was still convulsing violently. Poe lowered the hatch walkway so Finn and Rey could rush down with the water splashing around them. Both jumped it, both having some trouble considering their height. Because of that, Poe switched the ship to ‘auto-hover’ and rushed to the back as well. His heart was beating so rapidly he thought he would pass out. However he was able to control himself long enough to help the two of them pull her up into the ship. 

It was not as easy as he thought it would be though. He never thought that he would be carrying ______. That was at the very bottom of things he thought he would be doing. The weight of her limp body was kind of incredible. Already she was very tall, around 6’0”. Plus she was not “thin” per say. Poe guessed that if she didn’t have mechanical limbs, she would have been around 160-170 pounds. That in itself would have been hard for someone of Poe, Finn, or Rey’s size to carry, much less lift into a ship. With her new limbs she had to be well over 200 pounds. Somehow the three of them were able to lift her out of the water and onto the hatch plank. Both Finn and Rey were mostly submerged under the water, but were able to pull through. Poe pulled her shocking arms, actually getting some jabs himself; Finn and Rey as well. Once she was safely aboard, the two of them pulled themselves up. Both were soaking wet, but they didn’t mind. They had been covered in worse before. Poe sprinted to the front, leaving them to check on her. He wanted to be back there with her, but someone had to pilot the ship. With a flip of a switch to break him out of ‘auto-hover’, they were off, breaking quickly out of the atmosphere and into the inky blackness of space. The entire time he could hear her screaming, he felt his gut squeezing tighter and tighter. The possibility of them having to stop down on an inhabited planet before they got back to D’Qar was very high. If her condition got worse, which was likely, they wouldn’t be able to make it back.

“Shit! Fuck!” _____ screamed in pain. It was getting bad, far worse with each passing second. Rey and Finn were frazzled as they pulled out the med-kit. All they could really do with it was patch up her real leg that she broke with the fall. However, when Rey tried to reach over and start working on it, _____ slapped her hand away; causing a shock to run through the brunette Jedi. “Fuck you! Don’t you dare touch me!” Poe jumped at the sudden outburst, Finn and Rey doing so as well.

“Now isn’t the time _____!” Rey responded with an angry bite. But she was stead-fast with her opinion even as shocks ran through her broken body. The anger was palpable as it dripped from her skin, from every pore. Alas Rey had to conceded and hand the bandages and stint to Finn who started to work on it. His hands were not shaking though. Having been a solider for the First Order, he had seen more than enough injuries like the one right before him. He was level headed as he worked to wrap her leg up. Strong. Smart. Finn was gifted when it came to many things, which included medicine. So with a few more spins of the white bandage, he finished. However, they were not able to help the convulsing. All they could do was hold her down a bit. Surprisingly enough, the twitches died down and her screams nearly stopped all together. Mostly after that it was just soft moans of discomfort. 

All the while, Poe’s hands started to sweat. They couldn’t get back to base fast enough. He felt so useless as he piloted the ship. All he wanted to do was run back there and hold her. How many years had it been since they hugged? Been close enough as friends? It was his fault, partially. He knew that he and Leia were to blame. There was no getting around that. He just had to accept that, something he did years ago. At first he wondered why _____ had run off. What did he do? What could he have done? But he soon came to realization what happened. That he and Leia took away her hopes and dreams, took away her purpose for living; as she had stated herself so many times. She belonged as a pilot, perhaps serving for a cause bigger than herself; and they took that away from her. Sure she could fly by herself, but she obviously wanted to fight for something and she lost that when Leia discharged her. 

That was all in the past however. He couldn’t change what had already happened. Right now he could get her back to D’Qar though. So that’s what he did. He jumped into hyperdrive and watched as the streaks of blue and white light passed by them.

~’~

Kylo had no idea what just happened. He was broke, stunned. How could he not help? How could he not jump into action right away and Poe could? Why did he not do anything? Now it was too late. He had do something now though. So he moved into action now. Somehow he was able to shamble over to his ship. The lightsaber that she had been holding. He had to get down there and fin it. It was probably broken beyond repair, but he had to at least try to salvage it. 

Up and away he went. His heart clenched in his chest when he saw bits of metal floating in the turbulent water. It made him pick up his speed. He flipped his ship into ‘auto-hover’, and ran to the back. Kylo jumped into the water and waded into the small whirlpool. He was lucky that he was as tall as he was; also as tall as she was. If it had been any deeper she might have drowned. But he knew that he had to get under the water. So down he went. It was also lucky that the water was so clear on Corellia. He saw the handle of his lightsaber stuck a bit between two rocks; which was easy enough to move. Once he had grabbed it, he stood back up and then jumped into his shuttle. He rushed to the front and switched it out of auto pilot. 

“Do something you idiot.” Kylo shouted to himself while rocketing out of the atmosphere. But what could he do? He had to think, he had to clear his head. That was slightly impossible with what had just occurred. However, as he flew out into space, he realized what he had to do. So once the coordinates were set into his mapping system, he shot off to a planet that had just been targeted by a familiar super weapon. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted a Fighter Pilot Reader.


End file.
